Epilogue – The Thing I Want to Hear the Least

Epilogue – The Thing I Want to Hear the Least

Time passed. A week later, wednesday morning. The harsh reality dawned upon us once again.

Himawari won the match last sunday, but lost a match that took place on another day.

Her opponent was a girl who was known as ‘girl Agassi’; a gorgeous girl with curly hair and bright eyes. Our Bitchy Djokovic tried her best, but that wasn’t enough.

Well, it is what it is. Himawari had done her best, but so had her opponent.

The match was a genuine clash between the two’s effort, talent, and luck, so whoever won, they earned that victory.

Well, anyway,

“Hey~ did you watch the show last night~?”

“I did! It was fun~”

The Charisma Bunch is as lively as always. It’s early in the morning and they’re already rowdy.

“Ah, I didn’t. My bad…”

“H-huh? R-really?”

And, like usual, when Girl A-san said that she didn’t watch whatever show it was, they all went quiet. Did she come back home late again last night?

Anyway, this gave me a deja vu. What, is this like, a canon event that I have to go through every morning?

“Mm. Spent the whole evening playing with my phone at a family restaurant, so I got home late.”

I see. Tell the class which family restaurant it was, will you?

So I can avoid the place.

“Ah, I see~! Well, it is what it is~”

Alright, this may be sudden, but let me reiterate what kind of person I am.

A liar. Well, you guys know that already.

Now, do you know how much of a liar I am? The biggest of all liars. I mean, I can even lie to my own thoughts.

Why is this relevant, you ask? Well, it’s because I’ve been hiding something.

Though, I know that some of you have probably noticed.

For those people specifically, treat the next scene as confirmation to your guesses.

“Uh, can I say something?”

“What?!”

I called out to the beasts in my calmest voice yet so that I didn’t startle them, but I guess that didn’t work.

Those guys immediately turned into starving coyotes.

But I can’t back down now. I started this, so I have to see it through to the end.

“Well, I have something to talk to you about. Can you come with me for a sec?”

“…With me?”

The one who replied with a voice full of disgust was none other than Girl A-san.

Yep, it is her that I have to talk to. I’d rather not stick my nose into other people’s affairs like this, but there’s no way I can just ignore it after noticing it.

“Yep. Got something important to tell you.”

“Then just tell me here.”

“Can’t. Need to talk with you alone.”

“““Bweeeee!”””

Hey, that’s just too much, don’t you think?

These four—excluding Girl A-san—changed from a pack of coyotes to a bunch of Bueno Vistas.

“…Fine.”

The girl that I actually asked though, said that with a pale face while covering her mouth.

Why is she covering her mouth, you asked? Well, because she ate a bunch of garlic for dinner yesterday and she doesn’t want her bad breath to bother me. As for why her face looks so pale, she just wears too much foundation. Such a tomboy, jeez…

“Follow me.”

Alright, now that I’ve done making shit up, it’s time to get going!

I left the classroom together with Girl A-san and headed to a less crowded place.

“So, what do you want?”

We went to the cafeteria, a perfect place for us since no one’s coming here for breakfast right now—it’s pretty much deserted.

“Uh… how do I put this…?”

“Just spit it out already! Gosh, I don’t have all day!”

Ugg, as merciless as ever, huh, Girl A-san? No, actually, I need to stop calling her that.

Well, this is an obvious thing, but the majority of people in this world have names.

I’ve been calling this girl ‘Girl A-san’, but that obviously isn’t her real name.

She has both a proper name and a nickname that everyone calls her by.

So, the ‘A’ in ‘Girl A-san’ comes from ‘Asaka’. As you can see, her name gives off that elegant vibe. 

As for her last name… it’s Mayama…

And her nickname…

“Sasanqua, you’ve been going out til late at night, haven’t you?”

“So? What is it to you?”

“You’re not doing that because you want to, right?”

“What? Seriously, what the hell are you on about right now? Can I go back yet?”

“Stop being hard-headed. There is a reason why you’ve been doing that, right?”

“You… seriously, I don’t get what you’re trying to say. Can you shut up?”

The first time I noticed it, I thought that they just had the same last name, and it was just a fun little coincidence. But soon enough, I knew that wasn’t the case at all.

After all, they shared more things than just their last name.

See, she’s doing the same thing as he did. The same thing that Himawari and I have, though we do it differently than they do.

Also, this is probably not the only time she’s done this either.

A habit or a tell.

Whenever she gets embarrassed or feeling nervous, she has this habit of scratching her cheek with her pinky.

Like they always say, parents and children are alike in the strangest ways.

“…Dashimaki tamago.”

Oh, she flinched. She looked so surprised too. Bingo~

That old man kept boasting about his daughter’s dashimako tamago and whatnot… and now we know for sure that she is his daughter.

“Your dad loves you, you know? Stop wandering around at night and hurry back home, okay?”

“Seriously, why are you so nosy?! How do you know about my cooking anyway?! And about him?!”

“Just this and that at my part-time job. The detail isn’t important, what’s important is for you two to just make up already. Seriously, this whole thing, in your own word, Sasanqua, is lame.”

“Huh?! It’s none of your business, so shut it! Besides, he started all this! He kept saying things about my outfit, it was annoying! You said that he loves me, ha! No, he doesn’t!”

“But he does? That old man just can’t be honest, you know? Like a certain someone. Anyway, that old man’s always thinking about you.”

“I told you already, he doesn’t!!”

The reason why Sasanqua doesn’t come home until late at night…

It’s because she just doesn’t want to see the old man. She wants him to worry about her.

Seriously, they can just talk this out, yet they didn’t. What a troublesome pair. Not that I have the right to call anyone that, though.

“I’ll say it again. He won’t say it out loud, but he does care about you, so stop wandering around at night and hurry back home.”

“S-shut up, shut up! T-there’s no point in going back home anyway! It’s not like Papa’s gonna be there…”

“Then just wait until he gets home. Make that dashimaki tamago of yours while you’re at it. That old man kept bragging about it, you know? Like how he missed it, and how it is the best thing he has ever eaten in the world.”

“Ugg—!”

“Well, let me be honest with you, I’m doing this partly because I kinda have to. Like, if he keeps saying things like that, it’ll hurt our sales, so please do something about him. If it isn’t for me, do it for Tsubaki.”

Oh my, her face’s all red now. How cute.

Mhm, this matter’s done. Now, moving on—

“Oof—!”

“…You’re seriously the worst.”

T-this girl—! What did I do to deserve a body blow, huh?!

Violent heroines aren’t popular anymore! Stop pulling this kind of shit!

Hey, hey, don’t you dare walk away and leave me in pain like this!

Sure I can get behind you turning your body away to hide your embarrassment, but that doesn’t mean you can just hit me and leave! Apologize first, at least!

“I hate you, Joro. You’re disgusting. …But… thank you…”

That’s it? At least that’s a proper reply…

After that, Sasanqua dashed away, leaving me writhing on the floor in pain.

*   *   *

…Now that the matter is actually done with, I have one last announcement to make.

This and all the previous events helped me realize that I am the main character of this story.

You all might think that from now on, this story is gonna change into a full-fledged generic harem romcom, but nope, you guys are wrong!

Well, you see… how should I put it…? Uh… I don’t know how to properly say it, but…

This is the end of the story. I won’t be continuing it.

Hear me out, hear me out! This is just how it is, okay? I can’t help it!

We have a lot of problems with this story, you know? Like, the heroines’ number keeps going up, and now the story’s title becomes misleading! Those are just two among many!

That’s why I’ll use my privilege as the main character—just like all the main characters before me—and end this with “Our story has just begun!”

…Alright, there’s not much space left.

Last time I did this, there was some space left on the page so it didn’t work out, but this time, I’m making sure that the whole page is filled!

So don’t flip the page, okay? 

Even if the world’s about to end, DON’T DO IT, you hear me?!

Ahem, now that I made that clear…

Good bye, everyone! Bye bye!

Fin.

“Ah, there you are! Kisaragi-senpai!”

Of course I can’t just end it there, dammit—!

The ‘Fin’ was right there! Why the hell did a new girl appear after I put it there?!

That part with Sasanqua was perfect to drop an open ending too!

Here I thought everything ended on a pleasant note, but apparently not!

The moment I tried to leave the cafeteria, a girl ambushed me and grabbed my hand. Forcefully at that.

Who the hell is she anyway? Mushroom bob cut, flower ribbon… huh?

This girl, isn’t she…?

“Aren’t you the baseball team’s manager—w-whoa!”

“Come with me for a bit!”

This girl who prevented me from ending this series is the girl who got voted third at the Kabuten. Yes, the same girl who said that she’d rather die than touch me. Now, she’s gripping my hand tightly, dragging me with her to God knows where.

“H-hey, stop pulling! If you want to talk, just talk here! There’s no one else here!”

“This is going to be a long talk, so I want to go somewhere we can sit!”

W-wait, what did she just say?

S-sit down and talk?! 

I-it can’t be, right?

“That’s the perfect place! Let’s go!”

“No! W-wait, don’t go there! That place is not perfect at all! Nooo!”

I-I can see it… f-from all the way here, i-it lets out some kind of glow for some reason…

“Nggggg—!”

“What are you doing? Hurry up!”

This girl, how is she so strong?! It takes my all to resist her!

I’m doing my best to stand my ground! I won’t sit down on it no matter what!

“U-um…”

Don’t taaaaalk! Don’t you ever let anything else come out of that mouth of yours!

“First!”

She’s swinging me! I repeat, she’s swinging me! 

“Sit!”

Ah, no good…

“Here!”

As she was saying that, she swung me toward it.

The brown thing that made me gulp involuntarily.

Meanwhile, the girl just sat down, fully ready to do whatever it is that she wants to do.

You guys know what this is all about by now, right? Yeah, it’s that thing.

The damn bench!

“…Fine.”

In the end, I gave up. I followed the girl’s words and sat down to the left side of the bench… only for her to push me to the right side. Man… I can’t escape from this side, can I?

But, even after that, she didn’t say anything.

There it is! I told you, it’s coming! 

Just look at her twirling her hair around! I know what’s going to happen next! It’s—

“U-um… uuu…”

Yep! She fidgeted around like it’s something difficult for her to say! And then—

“A-actually… t-there’s something that has been in my mind for a while now…”

There it is! ‘Actually, bla bla’ thingy!

Now, let’s try to guess what it is that’s bothering her!

It’s probably related to Sun-chan. Mhm. She also has a crush on him, that’s for sure!

Alright, I’ll make her write a 5,500 word self-introduction and give it to me first and foremost.

After that, we’ll talk. Before that, hell no.

“Whenever I think about it, my chest tightens up, but at the same time, it cheers me up. That’s why… even though this is selfish of me, I decided to make a move…”

If you know it’s selfish, then why even do it? Seriously, think about others more!

Anyway, here we go again. This is the kind of pattern where I’ll get dragged into another war.

Man, if I just can get away from this war, even if I have to go to another world for it, I would…

“Kisaragi-senpai…”

Slowly, she pushed her face closer to mine.

That’s the face of a girl in love, alright. That’s the cue for me to run away.

When her face got close enough that we could feel each other’s breath, she closed her eyes tightly.

Alright, Jorofina! Combat Option, Dress Up! Get ready to escape!

“Please help me turn Oga-senpai and Sanshokuin-senpai into lovers!”

Sorry, but… no way in hell I’ll do that!