Chapter 2 – The Devastating Storm of Goodwill that Struck Me

“Good morning, Joro.”

“…Hm? Hmmm??”

I woke up, and the scene that greeted me made me freeze like a statue.

Wait, what the hell was going on?!

“T-Tsubaki?! W-Why are you in my bed?!”

“I’m trying to please you to the best of my ability, of course. Is it a bother to you…?”

There was a cute smile on her face as she looked at me with upturned eyes. She was wearing a beige-colored nightgown, which suited her British noble-like sensibilities, and her appearance looked both vulnerable and destructive at the same time. Just look at all the skins she showed!

“N-No! O-Of course it isn’t a bother!”

“It’s good, then, hehe~”

Her sweet voice penetrated my ears and seeped through my brain directly.

Then, as she suddenly pressed her head against my chest, I was struck with a sense of confusion.

I also almost jolted in surprise, but I managed to prevent that from happening because I didn’t want to hit her.

But, seriously, how the hell did this even happen?!

Yeah, she did tell me that she was trying to please me to the best of her ability, but I never expected her to just pop out right beside me as soon as I woke up!

“Ah, do you normally shower in the morning, Joro? If you do, I’ll come with you and help wash your back…”

SORRY?? Y-YOU, WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!

“Y-You aren’t joking, right…?”

“Of course not. This will be my third ‘first time’, so it’ll be embarrassing, but…I’ll do my best!”

Nodding her head in embarrassment, Tsubaki hung her clothes in the bathroom. Perhaps because she noticed something, she suddenly turned around.

“C-Can you look over there for a bit…? I-It’s a little embarrassing to be stared at…”

“A-Ah! M-My bad—!”

Whoops! Yeah, she was right, I should turn my body around!

After I did that, I turned it around once again so that I could stare at her body properly.

Damn! Her back looked so beautiful!

If I was a poet, I’d probably compare it to…who knows, melting snow or something, but I was only a high school student, so I’d just call it super beautiful!

…Huh? Wait? Something didn’t feel right…? When did we move to the bathroom again? We were just in my bed a moment ago!

Hmm?? Tsubaki’s body was slightly damp…but she hadn’t even started taking a bath yet?

Also, her hair was longer too…and her chest…bigger…

“Phew! I’m ready now, what about you?”

Tsubaki took off her nightgown, and she seemed visibly excited, but I couldn’t see her face clearly from here.

Oh crap…I just realized that it would be a bad idea if I were to take off my clothes here…

Because my ‘little Joro’ was standing considerably taller than usual. Good morning, buddy.

“U-Um…why don’t we stop it here for now…? This is a little embarrassing for both of us, isn’t it…?”

Toward this beautiful, ‘active’ girl who seemed to be in college, I proposed as such.

Sure, I wanted to take a bath together with her, but my embarrassment prevailed here.

“It’s fine, there’s no need to be shy~! Because~”

“Because…?”

“You’re my son~!”

“MOTHER?!”

That surprising revelation was enough to jolt me awake.

I hurriedly checked my surroundings, only to see that I was indeed still inside my room. Good, good…

“Haa… haa… t-thank God that was a dream…”

T-The hell was that dream?! That was bad for my heart! Ahh…that really scared me…

“…”

I sat up and checked on my current condition.

So, I was still in my room, and I was wearing my pajamas, as always. Everything was normal, except for one thing. My ‘little Joro’ was limp, even though I had just woken up. Good night, buddy.

“Hm?”

For some reason, my phone rang this early in the morning.

Was it my alarm…? No, I didn’t set mine to ring at six. Then, someone must be calling me. But, who’d do that at this hour?

“…Hello?”

{Good morning, Joro. Were you asleep?}

“No, I wasn’t…is this Tsubaki…?”

{Yes, it’s me.}

Because of my dream earlier, I could imagine her speaking while wearing that beige-colored nightgown.

“W-What’s wrong? Why did you call me this early?”

{Just a wake up call so you won’t end up late, Joro. Also, do you want to go to school together with me?}

“…What did you say?”

{Hm? Did you not hear me?}

No, I heard you clearly.

But, really? She went out of her way to invite me to go to school together this early in the morning?

Well, I guess it made sense considering that she called it a wake up call, but she could just call me at seven, my normal waking hour…

“…Sure, let’s go together, I guess.”

{You’ll go with me? Thank you.}

“Mhm. Also, when should we meet up?”

{Anytime you’re ready is fine. Just come outside when you are, okay?}

What was she on about…?

“Whenever I’m ready? But, how would you know if I’m ready or not…?”

{I’ve been standing in front of your house, I’ll know it.}

“…”

I went to see outside my window, not the one that was connected to the balcony, but the one that could give me a clear look of the front side of my house.

And when I did…

{Ah, I can see you, Joro. Good morning.}

N-No way! T-This girl really—!

There was a girl wearing my school uniform outside. With that pitiful volume of fat in her chest area, there was only one girl who’d fit that description. Tsubaki!

{Joro, were you having rude thoughts about me just now?}

“Of course not. I was just admiring the splendor of the elegant cumulonimbus.”

{I see. Alright, I’ll be waiting for you here, then.}

“Huh? O-Oi, wait—! Ugh, she turned off the call…”

Seriously! Couldn’t she just limit this whole pleasing me thing to the school?!

Like, I appreciated her effort and all, but this was still too early! If anything this would only bother me, not make me happy!

Whatever. I should shut my trap, get ready quickly and go with her.

“Oh my, you’re up early today, Amatusuyu~”

I changed into my uniform, grabbed my bag and headed downstairs when my mom’s voice echoed from the living room.

Because of the late night dream, I thought I’d get nervous from seeing her, but her perm and heavy make up immediately erased those feelings.

Thank you, Mom. Glad to see that you were the same as always. Never change, please.

Ah, Dad was still here too. He was just watching the news while eating silently, though.

“S-Sorry, Mom, I won’t be needing breakfast or lunch today, I have to go quickly!’

“Huh? But, I’ve already started cooking for you…”

…Oh, no. When Mom said those words with a troubled voice, Dad stared at me in the eye.

“…Amatsuyu. If you need to go early, you should’ve told your mom about it last night.”

“S-Sorry…”

Normally, my dad was pretty chill, but, if he were to get angry, he could be really, really scary.

He loved his family a lot. Like, A LOT. That was why he’d react harshly to any inconvenience that would affect his family.

“…Keiki, add his lunch to mine.”

“But, won’t that be too much for you, Dear? Are you sure?”

“…I’m not a picky eater, it won’t be a problem.”

“Kyaa~! I love you, Dear~!”

Well, since I knew that you guys wouldn’t want to see a lovey dovey scene between my parents, let’s just leave this place. Shaking off the soon-to-be-pink atmosphere, I headed towards the door.

Whoops, wait, I hadn’t told my parents that I’d be leaving.

“I-I’m off!”

“Take care, Amatsuyu~”

“…Watch out for the car, Amatsuyu. Have a safe trip.”

* * *

After I left my house and took a deep breath, I stared right at the beautiful girl in front of me.

“Heya. That was quick.”

You are one to speak.

“Can’t exactly keep you waiting for too long, can I? Why did you come here so early, anyway?”

“I don’t know the time when you usually leave for school, so I figured I should go early just in case.”

Even so, it was still too much!

It was only a fifteen minute walk from here to school, she could literally come at seven and we would still make it in time.

“Also, today’s the showdown, so I’m going all out!”

Ah, well, that answer made a lot more sense.

Also…right, the whole ‘pleasing me’ showdown or whatever that the four girls held would start today.

At first, I planned to force a draw between them, but that plan was thwarted by Pansy.

No matter who won the thing, I’d get sent to hell, but there was one thing that especially bothered me.

It was Pansy’s words from yesterday. She said that Tsubaki and her goal were the same.

I had no idea what these two were up to, but I had a bad premonition about it.

“Huuh? It’s Joro~! Good morniiiing~!”

“Oww—!”

What the hell?! That hurt a lot more than usual! She used a lot more force than usual! The pain sting my back!

“So, why are you up so early~? Oh, are you going to see my morning practice? Hehehe, thank you! So you’re excited about it too, huh, Joro?”

Out! Himawari, out! You know one thing that I hated the most? When a girl hit my back using a lot more force than usual and getting on the wrong idea of her own! Like, how did she see my face and thought that I was excited about all this?!

“I-I just got beaten in momentum…can I take it back…?”

You too! Stop making that competitive look!

My back was violated! Violated, I told you! Wasn’t this showdown about pleasing me? Did you think getting my back violated was something that could please me?!

“I kept telling you, stop hitting me in the back! Also, the reason why I’m up early is because Tsubaki came to pick me up early, not because of you!”

“Is that so? Well, I’ll get to go to school with you either way, so it’s fine! I’m so happy~!”

You were, but I was not. Keep in mind that the showdown had already started, so try to please me at the very least! Well, whatever, I’d just hold it on you and make it so that you would never win!

“Good morning, Tsubaki-chan!”

“Mm, good morning. I’ll forgive you for stealing the march from me, but the showdown has just begun.”

Don’t worry Tsubaki, she already fell out of my favor after that stunt.

Unless she did something significant, she would never get that favor back— Mugyu!

“Alright, since there are three of us here, let’s go together! It’s fun isn’t it, Joro~?”

Comeback! Hinata Aoi just made a comeback!

This was what I call a divine embrace! It was as if I was embraced by 14 kg worth of sugar water!

Also, Tsubaki-san, my right hand was still free! Go ahead and take it!

“To beat Himawari from here…I guess I have to consider doing that, huh…?”

Don’t think, feel! If you were to grab my right hand right now, you’d be able to make it even!

Stop muttering to yourself, Tsubaki! No, seriously, stop!

Damn it! Could anyone just wax our path to school? She’d grab my arm again if that was the case!

“By the way, Joro, it’s already June!”

Ten seconds after the three of us decided to walk together, Himawari increased the tightness of her grip on my arm and the brightness of the smile on her face by 30%. From the look of her face, she was most likely trying to make me guess what exactly it was that made her so excited about.

Ah, right, there was that in June, huh?

Thank God I managed to remember it. If I didn’t, she’d throw a tantrum again, saying things like, ‘I thought we are childhood friends…’ or whatnot.

“Yeah. Your birthday is on the 30th, right?”

“Ehehe, yes! Thank you for remembering my birthday!”

After guessing that correctly, her smile brightened by 50%.

Of course, the tightness of her hug also increased as much. You know, we should just forget about the date and celebrate your birthday NOW, how about it?

“By the way, we’ll be having another birthday party at my house this year too, so you have to come, Joro! Give me presents!”

As expected of Himawari.

She could get someone to give her offerings without even trying to make them give her offerings.

Of course, I’d give her the offerings she wished for.

“Fine, fine. What do you want exactly?”

“Umm…let’s see…”

There was an excited smile on her face as she tilted her face to the side, bumping right onto my shoulder. At that moment, a refreshing citrus scent that could be called her signature scent at this point wafted into my ears.

See? This was the reason why this natural bitch was scary. She’d do something like this without any hesitation.

“Right! I want a wristband, please!”

“A…wristband? Why?”

“Because the tennis competition comes up soon and my old one is tattered already!”

Right, I remember she said something similar just the other day.

Her tennis racket was getting old, so she needed to buy a new one.

Since that was the case, I guess she wouldn’t have enough money to buy a wristband.

Well, I could get her that. A wristband was cheap enough and it was also good enough as a gift.

But…

“Doesn’t the competition start before your birthday?”

“Yes! That’s why you need to give me the present before that!”

How could someone be so good at begging? Like, no one with a sane mind would refuse her after seeing that cute smile of hers.

“…Do you not want to?”

“Of course I do. That means I can eat at your house for free at your birthday party.”

“Yay! I love you, Joro!”

Since that was pretty much decided, I’d need to go to the sports store near the station this weekend.

I’d love to bring her with me since that would make my life easier, but I figured that she’d be busy with practice that day.

The fact that she left her house early to practice today meant that she was taking this competition seriously, so I really shouldn’t get in her way, so yeah, I guess I’d go alone later.

Damn, now that I remembered it, they had the one that Djokovic wore at the French Open on sale just a few days ago…

“So, do you have a specific one in mind?”

“I don’t care much as long as you pick it out for me, Joro!”

…Fuck me, it was this pattern again.

Whenever she asked something from me, she always said something like this.

Once, I tried to get her to decide on something, but she was so adamant on letting me pick it out for her. She just puffed her cheeks, complained and said nothing else after that.

Last year, she wanted sandals as a gift, so I bought her a green pair. Yeah, you should be able to guess what happened. She didn’t like it and was clearly annoyed about my pick. Well, at least she used them instead of throwing them away, but it still wasn’t fun for me.

“Fine, but don’t complain if you end up disliking it.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t!”

Yeah, but you’d just sulk instead, wouldn’t you, Miss?

“…Ah, I got a good idea. Joro.”

Suddenly, Tsubaki, who had been muttering to herself all this while, called out to me.

“Hm? What’s up?”

“I’ll carry your bag.”

She pointed at my bag and told me that she’d carry it for me.

I see. So she thought that she could please me if she were to do that, huh?

But, that didn’t sit well with me. I mean, I knew that maids usually carry their master’s belongings, but this just felt wrong somehow.

Yesterday I said that I believed in gender equality, but today, I gotta surrender to my pride as a man.

“Don’t worry, I can carry it myself. I appreciate the offer though.”

“Huh? You refused?”

Perhaps not expecting this kind of reaction from me, Tsubaki’s brows twitched as her expression shifted to the one that was filled with anxiety.

“But yesterday, you let me carry your lunch for you…have you grown to hate me now…?”

Of course not! Hell no! Also, that anxious look on your face was so damn cute yo!

“What are you saying? Of course I haven’t. It’s just, you can’t really compare my lunch with my whole bag, can you? Their weight and the size is different, so it isn’t a fair comparison to begin with. Also, as a man, I can’t just let you carry my bag.”

“I see. As long as you don’t hate me…it’s fine…I guess…”

Oh, look at that bright expression she made.

It was so bright, like the sun…never mind…for some reason that reminded me of Sun-chan…

I really just can’t have nice things even in my daydreams, huh? Maybe I should consider reading the book Pansy lent me so I can increase my vocabulary.

“But, you know that you aren’t even that much of a man to begin with, right? I don’t think it matters too much even if you let me carry your bag.”

Yeah, sure, whatever.

“That’s why, just let me carry it already.”

“No means no.”

I still wanted to keep some of my dignity as a man, so I refused her once again.

Since words weren’t enough to show my dignity, I’d show it with my actions!

“I know you’re refusing me because you care about me. You can drop the tsundere act now.”

“No, I’m refusing you because I want to carry my bag on my own, not because I care about you! Don’t get the wrong idea! Hmph…”

“What did I say about dropping the tsundere act? Anyway, let me carry your bag for you already.”

Stop calling me tsundere to fit your narration!

You didn’t even know what a real tsundere looked like! Try to ask Arasu Toru¹Alastor but in kanji. Shakugan no Shana reference.-san!

“Hm, then what if I carry your bag for you, Joro~?”

“What?”

I didn’t know why, but for some reason, Himawari also wanted to carry my bag for me.

When she heard this, Tsubaki’s brows twitched, clearly unhappy.

“Himawari, this is my turn to please him.”

“Eh, but I want to please him too!”

With that, the pleasant atmosphere we had going on, turned into a menacing one.

Both of them grabbed my bag with their hands, pulled it with all their strength, and…

“O-Oi, y-you two! Stop it! It hurts! H-Hey! S-Seriously, it hurts—!”

With my scream as a cue, a battle to claim my bag erupted between both of them. On my right side, Himawari, whose fighting spirit was roused for reasons I didn’t understand and on my left side, Tsubaki, who’d do anything in her power to ‘please me’ or whatever!

“What are they doing this early in the morning…? Lover’s quarrel…?”

“That guy’s amazing… I swear it’s just the other day I saw him kneeling to everyone, but look at him now…”

People on the streets were looking at us— Ow, ow–! Ugh, I can’t take this anymore!

““Got it!””

Succumbing to the pain, I quickly removed the bag from my shoulder. You thought that would solve the problem, but no, their silly little battle still continued.

“Himawari, let go of your hands!”

“No! I can hold Joro’s bag better than you!”

Okay, but how did you know that?

“No, I am better than you!”

Again, how did you know that? Was there a bag-holding Grand Prix held somewhere before this? Did you two do well on that Grand Prix? Was that how you know?

Anyway, things would turn dangerous at this rate! I needed to stop these idiots quickly!

“Yoshyaaa!”

“Unshoooo!”

“Stop it already, you two! Also, Tsubaki, you’re a girl! Why are you growling like that?!”

“Leave me alone!”

Ah, it’s over…

“Uwah!”

“Yay! I got it—! Kya!”

“Ah… Ahhh! I knew this would happen!”

The winner of their battle was Himawari…if you could call it a win…

Because she was pulling my bag with all her strength, as soon as it left Tsubaki’s hand it also slipped out of her hand with a terrifying force toward her back.

The result of that was predictable. My bag flew away to God knows where…

“Owwie…”

“Oi, Himawari, are you okay?!”

“My butt hurts…”

“Were you crazy?! What if you got injured unnecessarily?! What about your hands? Or legs? They are okay, right?!”

Would it hurt for her to just use her head and think before doing anything? She had a tournament coming up!

“S-Sorry, but I-I’m okay— Huh? J-Joro, where did your bag go…?”

Noticing that my bag wasn’t in her hand, she scoured her surroundings hurriedly.

Obviously she didn’t find it. It was slung over to God knows where by her…whatever, I’ll look for it…

“Oi, Joro! I was jogging over there and found this lying on the grass! Isn’t this your bag?”

“S-Sun-chan?”

What miraculous timing you got, Sun-chan!

Crazy that my bag flew into his vicinity while he was jogging!

Look at him, holding my back like a knight dashing through the— Wait, how did he notice that it was my bag, though?

“Y-Yo, Sun-chan…h-how could you tell— N-No, never mind, that’s my bag, yeah, thank you… ”

I wanted to ask him that question, but I was too afraid to. It was fine. There were things that you’d better not know in this world, and this should be one of those things.

“Well, actually, I saw it flying before it got there… Ah, I see, so that’s how it is, huh? You two were arguing about who should hold his bag among you two, Himawari, Tsubaki? Hahaha, you two need to understand, Joro is a man! A man wouldn’t want a lady to hold his bag!”

Just like that, he understood my feelings about this situation and resolved it completely.

Also, it was amazing that he could tell it was my bag at a glance.

“I see. But, that’s that, the real showdown won’t be over just from this.”

“Hmph! I won’t lose!”

No, it might as well be over for you two! Look at the mess you two made!

Seriously, now I felt scared for the future that was about to come…

* * *

Lunch break. Himawari, Tsubaki and I went to the library together.

Like usual, Sun-chan would be fighting a war over at the cafeteria, so he wasn’t with us. But, he’d be coming in a bit.

When we entered the library, I noticed that Pansy wasn’t at the reception desk. Maybe she had already gone to the reading area with Cosmos?

“Hello, Joro-kun, Himawari, Yoki-san.”

Turned out my guess was correct. When I entered the reading area, Pansy was already there, and when she saw us, she greeted us.

“H-Heya, Joro-kun! Himawari-san! Yoki-san!”

Following that, Cosmos also greeted us, albeit with a stutter.

Pansy was in her usual braided glasses mode, but this girl over here somehow already entered her maiden-in-love mode.

“Yo, sorry for the wait! Today’s battle was even more intense than usual! In fact, if it wasn’t because of my catching skills, I wouldn’t win anything today!”

After everyone sat down in their seat, Sun-chan walked in with a triumphant look.

There was a bag of bread in his hand and a handgrip in his other hand. The latter should be the thing that he regularly used to train his catching. No idea how it correlated to him buying lunch, though.

“Himawari, the lunch lady gave me this when I bought the bread. Do you want it?”

“Is that a cream bun?! You sure you want to give it to me?!”

“Of course! Don’t you love cream buns?”

“Yay! Thank you, Sun-chan!”

Ah, that was lucky of her.

As Sun-chan said, she LOVED cream buns. Look at her, she was practically beaming after receiving that bun.

“That isn’t it, Himawari. The showdown is still ongoing, so the right thing you should do is to give that bun to Joro.”

The fuck did she just say? Wipe that smug off your face, Tsubaki!

Himawari, don’t listen to her! You loved that bun so much, so just eat it yourself!

“Hah, you still have a long way to go, Tsubaki! Joro is the type of person who’d be content to see Himawari eating her favorite bread from the side!”

“Ugh! I-I see…that was a point loss for me then…”

Yeah, that was right, Sun-chan! But next time don’t just blurt that out all of a sudden! People would look at you weirdly!

“…Alright, I’m doing it! I’ll tell Joro-kun about it properly this time!”

That was Cosmos who said that. What was up with her? From the sound of it, it sounded like she had decided on something big.

“U-Um, J-Joro-kun, can I talk with you for a bit?”

“Yes? What’s wrong?”

“In truth, I made a mistake and ended up making too much for today’s lunch… T-That’s why! I-I would be honored if Kisaragi-dono is willing to take some of them!”

So that was what you wanted to tell me, Akino-dono. Understood. The fact that your samurai accent came up meant…that…right?

You had something you wanted to tell me about, maybe trying to show your gratitude or something, but you were too embarrassed to say the truth. That was why you covered it with this kind of theatrics. I got it, thank you for going out of your way to do this.

Also, it was nice of you to make me some lunch when I happened to not bring my own! What a pleasant coincidence, wasn’t it? …Of course not.

While I didn’t bring my lunch with me, I could always buy some before I got here. But, I couldn’t do that today because of a certain someone…

Yes. That certain someone was literally staring at me right now.

“Um, actually, Tsubaki already promised to make me some lunch today…”

“Such a thing! You aren’t trying to lie to me, are you?”

“Unfortunately.”

“Is that so…? Understood, then I will proceed to eat the meal on my own. A-Ah, please, don’t fret about the matter too much. I will be okay, my boom will fast by²Okay, this is just a hard sentence to translate. Basically she’s speaking nonsense, she used マイブーム here, which is a slang for something that you currently likes, and 断食 which means fast, as in fasting, not quick. What she is trying to say is she’ll get over it quickly, but she made a different level of wordplay of translating 断食 to English. Does that make sense?.”

Please use the proper terms! Don’t use hiragana for the word that was supposed to be written in katakana! Also, did that sentence even make any sense³マイブーム in the previous dialogue was written in hiragana.?!

Why would someone who was fasting eat two lunch boxes at once?!

“Ugg… This Akino Sakura will be stuck in this state of confusion for the rest of her life—!”

Still, it wouldn’t be right to just turn her down like that, especially when she looked this depressed…

Ugh, it can’t be helped then. I actually planned to make some room in my stomach for snacks after lunch, but whatever…! Let’s do this!

“Actually, Prez. I’ll be indulging myself in your kindness.”

“Such a thing! You aren’t trying to lie to me, are you?”

Why were you repeating that line?

“I am not. In truth, even two people’s worth of food won’t be enough to satisfy my appetite!”

As I said so, I raised my index finger and middle finger while smiling.

Honestly, I doubt I could last eating this much, but I was raised to always accept the affection of beautiful women, so I’d do my best to live up to that!

Besides, Cosmos never made a bad lunch, so I was actually looking forward to it.

“If you say so, then, here’s the meal that I’ve prepared for you! Hinata-dono had told me your preferences, so I did my best to try and match them all!”

Young Samurai, you needed to remember what you had just said earlier! Why did you contradict your own script?!

Wait, what was with that lunch box?! It was way too big, wasn’t it? The box design was cute, but its size clearly wasn’t!

I really needed to brace myself for this, didn’t I?

“Joro, this is the lunch I promised you.”

“Ah, thank you.”

Thankfully the one that Tsubaki gave me was a normal-sized one.

If I had to deal with two of that monstrous lunch box…ugh, I didn’t even want to think about it…

“Phew! I did it! I managed to say it properly!”

Somehow, our dear Student Council President had changed her mode back to the maiden-in-love again. Well, at least she seemed happy.

“Cosmos-san, since this is the perfect occasion for this, what about we hold a little match between us?”

“A match? What kind of…ah, I see, I understand what you’re trying to say.”

That was quick! She switched back to normal again! No more samurai or maiden-in-love mode! But, what was with that smug look of hers?

“Yes. So, Cosmos-san, you made this lunch for Joro, right?”

“You have a good eye, I’m impressed…as you have said, I put all my heart and efforts into giving this exquisite meal to Joro-kun.”

I see, got it. You didn’t want to bother to hide it anymore, huh, Student Council President?

“Mm, then let’s ask Joro which one that he thinks is the tastiest one, mine or yours, Cosmos-san.”

“Good idea, let’s do that!”

Agreed with Cosmos here. Earlier in the morning, I was reluctant to go on with their antics because they were clearly out to hurt me, but this time it wasn’t the case. I’d only need to eat and decide which among their food tasted better.

“Alright, Joro, do you want to eat them now?”

“You don’t need to worry about anything, Joro-kun. Just say which one of these tastes better, okay?”

“Alright, then…”

Now, let’s talk about serious business. Based on experience, their cooking was both great.

With all the lunches that she shared with me, she had never missed even once.

In Tsubaki’s case, though I didn’t know what she was going to give me, her kushikatsu was just on a different level compared to the others.

Since that was the case, there was a good chance that whatever it was that she made, it would also be as tasty as that.

Alright, since Tsubaki was the one who offered me lunch first, let’s start with hers! Open!

“Huh, shrimp pilaf? Looks good.”

“I thought about making kushikatsu, but I don’t want you to think that I can only make kushikatsu, so I made something else. It’s tasty, I’ve taste-tested it.

Tsubaki smiled, the corner of her lips were raised a little.

She placed a hand on her nonexistent chest, seemingly confident. Hopefully it was as good as she said…

Anyway, enough hoping! Time to dig in!

“Oh, this is tasty!”

“I told you~ Well, I used our family’s special sauce to make it.”

“Huh, I see!”

I wasn’t a gourmet, so I couldn’t tell you what made it tasty, but it was tasty.

Well, it would be better if she added more seasoning into it, but this was still okay.

“…Not bad…Tsubaki-san…”

“Hehe, this much is nothing.”

Cosmos’ voice was tinged with nervousness, while Tsubaki’s was coated with pride.

The former’s eyebrows were twitching nonstop.

Also, Cosmos, you were staring way too intently at the shrimp pilaf!

“Hmm, I see, you’re using Japonica Rice, huh? Using the ingredients that are mainly used in Turkey, pilaf’s place of origin, is quite the clever move from you…”

Thanks to Cospedia, I knew what kind of rice Tsubaki used.

For some reason, after flaunting her wisdom, she showed me a smug look. I mean, it wasn’t really a big deal, but if that made you happy, sure.

“Ugh, that…! Alright, I’m not the only one who has something to say about the food! Do you know that a shrimp’s tail has the same composition as a cockroach’s wings?”

Why the hell did you choose to tell me that, Tsubapedia?! You knew that I was eating, right?!

“That’s a bit of an exaggeration, Tsubaki-san. Yes, both of those have chitin, but that’s the same component that you’d find in rhinoceros beetles and dragonflies too⁴Just know that chitin exists in insects’ and crustaceans’ exoskeletons..”

Stop, I didn’t need to know that! All I could take from your trivia talks was that I was eating bugs!

Also, I thought you two wanted to compare your cooking, not your trivia knowledge?!

“Fine, what about this one then! Do you know that the black line at the back of the shrimp has part of its excrement in it? I’ve removed them properly though, so you can rest assured!”

This Tsubapedia had gone off the rails…

Look, I get it. Yes, you wanted to beat Cospedia, I totally get it! But, why did you have to feed me with this kind of trivia?!

No matter how tasty the food was, when you heard this kind of thing…

“Shrimps are amazing, aren’t they? Even though they are pretty much the same as cockroaches and there is excrement all over their bodies, they’re still so tasty to eat! …Huh? What’s wrong, Joro? Why do you stop eating?”

“Well, I figured that I should eat some of Prez’ lunch too.”

…So when she got competitive, she’d say outrageous things like that, huh? Noted.

“Hehe, I knew it. You like my shrimp pilaf don’t you, Joro?”

Yes. I liked it at first. Not anymore, though.

“You still have a long way to go, Tsubaki.”

“How so, Sun-chan?”

“That pilaf isn’t salty enough. Joro loves it when his food has a strong flavor, so next time you shoulda add another teaspoon of salt, that would make it perfect!”

“Ugh–! I see, I’ll keep that in mind…”

Sunpedia was also trying to show off his trivia knowledge now. Well, his trivia revolved around me for some reason, though…

Also, how the hell did he find out that it isn’t salty enough? He hadn’t even eaten any of it!

“A-Anyway, Joro-kun! I-It’s time for…mine…”

When I turned my gaze at her, the maiden-in-love Cosmos gave me an anticipating look.

A sophisticated technique that allowed her to tell me that she wanted me to eat her cooking with her eyes.

“Yeah, alright, I’ll dig in now!”

Okay, time to neutralize the bullshit from earlier with Cosmos’ lunch!

We all knew that she was a great cook, and now she said that she made me my favorite foods today.

Alright, let’s see what she had in store for me— H-Huh?

“U-Uh… Prez? What is this…?”

In my astonishment, I called out to her.

There was a single sentence that came to mind when I saw the content of her box. A whole ass forest!

Everything was green!

Why the hell…?

“Those are broccolis! Himawari-san said that you never get tired of eating broccoli no matter how much you eat!’

Himawari, what the fuck?!

Look, I didn’t mind eating broccoli, but it wasn’t my favorite by a long shot!

“Yes! The last time we went out together, he enjoyed the broccoli more than the fried shrimp!”

You got that information from that time?! Back when I thought you’d confess to me?!

Back then I only ate the broccoli because you stole all my fried shrimps!

I never said that I loved eating them! Seriously, what were you on about?!

“W-What a bad turn of events for me… I never woulda guessed that he prefers broccoli more than shrimp…”

Get that shocked face away from my face, Tsubaki!

I liked shrimp more than broccoli, okay?! Just get rid of the tail and the back first!

“Today, I did my best to please you, Joro-kun! This one here is steamed broccoli, this one is sauteed broccoli, and this one is ohitashi broccoli!”

Look at her, getting carried away like that! Amazing! Even though everything was just wrong!

Even if I actually loved broccoli, there was still a limit!

You shouldn’t just go all in with variations of a single thing, you ditzy Student Council President!

“…I’m digging in.”

Then again, it wasn’t like I could just complain directly to her face like that, so I decided to just eat it quietly.

Despite how she looked, Cosmos got depressed easily.

The moment I told her the truth, her mood would change in a blink of an eye and she’d enter a spiral of depression and wouldn’t get out of it for a good while.

…Anyway, time to deal with this…forest…let’s start with this ohitashi…

“How is it? Is it good?”

“…Yes, it’s really good…”

I wasn’t lying when I said that. The taste was never the problem, just the quantity…also, the look I guess, it looked unappetizing…

“Yay! It was worth staying up all night to do all that research!”

Cosmos-san, that information you just let out was too heavy for me. Not only for my stomach, but also my heart…

“Um, Cosmos-san…if you want to make something for me, can you tell me in advance first? I don’t want you to push yourself like this again…”

“H-Huh?! D-Does that mean you want me to make something for you again?!”

That was what you got from my words?! No, no, I was happy that you were so ecstatic about it, but still!

I wanted you to focus on the other part!

“U-Uh, I appreciate that, b-but can you please tell me in advance—”

“W-What should I do? N-Next time, w-what should I make next? I-I know Joro-kun’s other favorite food, but I can’t decide!”

Stop flipping that note of yours, we were still eating! Also, just hear me out, you wouldn’t need to decide on anything!

“Anyway, I’ll be in your care.”

“Y-Yes! L-Likewise!”

Whatever, she wouldn’t listen to me anyway.

I’d just tell Himawari later that I liked variations in my lunch box. Just pray that she’d tell Cosmos about it.

“So that’s what you came up with, huh, Cosmos-san? Still, don’t you think this is a little too much? Joro can’t eat this much, so maybe you should reduce it by around…hmm…92 grams should be okay, yes, 92 grams, reduce it by that much later.”

“I-I see, I didn’t know that! A-Alright, I’ll write it down!”

Let alone you, I didn’t even know that myself! Sun-chan, how the hell did you know that stuff?!

He knew about myself better than me!

Anyway, generally speaking, it wasn’t the amount of the food which was the problem here, but the amount of broccoli used!

“So, Joro-kun, which one of them do you like the most?”

At that moment, Pansy uttered the words that instantly changed the mood around us.

“A-Ah, right…u-uh…both of them are good, so I’m having trouble to pick one…”

Actually, both of them disgusted me, so I could just say that both of them lost.

At any rate, now I knew that both Tsubaki and Cosmos would go off the rails whenever they got carried away.

Why couldn’t they just act normally all the time…?

“That was a close one… Next time, I won’t lose, Cosmos-san…”

“Fuu… I’m still not good enough. Let’s have another good one later, Tsubaki-san.”

Wipe off those smug looks, you two! Both of you messed up!

Anyway, I finished all the shrimp pilaf and all the broccoli that they made for me.

It was a considerable amount, so my stomach was filled to the brim.

“Alright, I’ll prepare the tea and the sweets next. What about you, Joro-kun? Do you want some or are you too full to eat?”

“…I can take more.”

Like they said, there was a separate stomach for sweets! Time to cover up all those horrible memories with Pansy’s sweets! Do your best, me!

“Oh my, how rare of you to say something nice about me.”

After that, I received the sweets from Pansy, who was in a good mood, and ate them. Gotta say that they were three times tastier than usual.

* * *

After school. As my classmates left the classroom, I lifted my bag, letting out a deep sigh.

Haah… Why? How did this happen?

I thought today I’d be pampered by those girls and received various envious gazes from everyone around me. With that, I could be considered as someone who transcended the riajuus, someone who transcended true happiness (I made that up)! But, the only word that I could use to describe my situation was SHIT.

Himawari flung my bag away, Cosmos tortured me with that whole ass forest!

On top of it, my classmates were still giving me the cold shoulders!

What? How bad was the situation, you asked?

“Yay, I didn’t catch the Kisaragi Virus today!”

Mhm… Kisaragi Virus, huh, Girl A-san?

Wanna know something good? I always took care of my hygiene, so the virus was actually beneficial to you.

It could help you alleviate hay fever, allergy symptoms and…who I was kidding…ugh…

“Joro, I’ll be following you to the library. I still haven’t faced Pansy yet today.”

Give me a break already! I’ve already used up all my energy to deal with your antics throughout the morning and lunch break! Let me rest this time!

Pansy would occasionally spit out venom out of her mouth, but as long as I talked with her, she wouldn’t bring me harm!

I was planning to take it easy, talking to her while eating whatever sweets she was planning to give me, but—! Ugh, I just got angrier the more I mulled over it.

“You don’t need to help out at the store?”

“I don’t. They should be able to manage without me today.”

Oh, crap… It was this pattern again… The one where I’d be struck with a tragedy after school…

I needed to shake her off, or maybe I should just not go to the library today— No, I can’t.

It was my fault that things had turned out this way.

The whole showdown thing, if only I told them to stop, even if I had to be forceful while doing it, I coulda stopped it from happening.

But I kept up that stupid mob act, and look where it got me!

It would be too much if I were to chase Tsubaki away because I didn’t like what she was doing when I was the one who encouraged her.

There was only one thing I could do here. Calm down and bring her to the library.

Besides, there was one thing that I wanted to ask her.

* * *

“Oh my, Joro-kun. You’re bringing Yoki-san with you today?”

“Mhm. I figured out I’d hang out here for today.”

I wonder why? They were talking calmly, but I actually got a chill running down my spine.

Was it that? The calm before storm thing? …Ugh, whatever, I deserved this anyway.

I’ve already made up my mind to face them properly, so I didn’t have the right to complain about what was about to happen.

What I should do here was to keep a cool head and accept everything that would happen. Before that though, I needed to confirm with Tsubaki about the thing that Pansy was talking about the other day…

“Tsubaki, I have something to ask you, can I…?”

As soon as we arrived at the reading area, I called out to Tsubaki.

I tried to act like usual, but I was really nervous deep inside. Would this turn out to be okay?

“Sure, but I’m not sure if I can answer you properly. You seem nervous, so it doesn’t seem like you’re going to ask a normal question…”

Ugh so sharp! I wouldn’t ask you anything strange though…

“I-It’s a normal question! I just want to ask which school you went to before you came here…”

“The school I went to? Asagiri High, it’s four stations away from here. Why do you ask, though?”

Ah, great, great! She didn’t go to that high school, great!

By the way, our school’s name was Nishikizuta High.

We didn’t have a south, east or north branch, only Nishikizuta⁵The Nishi in the Nishikizuta meant west..

“Nothing. There’s just this high school where the person I hate is going to. It’s great that you didn’t go there.”

“I see.”

When I asked that question, I was serious, you know? There really was someone I hated there. Well, I guess someone that Pansy hated was also there. In any case, it was good that she didn’t go to that school.

“I see. That’s good then.”

“Were you also curious about which school I went to, Pansy?”

“Yes.”

Oi, Pansy, why did you answer her, huh?! Now that she knew about this, she’d be curious about what was going on!

If she were to actually say, ‘Why did you ask?’ again, what were you gonna do, huh?!

“I see.”

Huh? She didn’t actually ask anything…

Maybe she could tell from the atmosphere that we exuded, so she opted not to ask?

If that was the case…my opinion of her would increase by a lot.

Anyway, that was that. The thing that Pansy and I were worried about was resolved rather quickly.

“Alright, it’s time, Pansy. It’s between me and you this time.”

“Sure.”

So it was finally starting. The punishment game (for me) between the two of them.

Oh no~ What would they do to me~?

“How much sugar do you need, Joro-kun? The same amount as usual? Today’s sweets are sweeter than usual, so you might want less.”

Ah, well, I don’t mind either way… Also, that was a surprisingly normal question…

“No, I’m fine with the usual amount, but why do you ask? Are you going to give me different sweets than during lunch?”

“Yes. I was excited for today, so I made another kind of sweets.”

Seemingly in a good mood, Pansy took out some macarons from her drawstring bag.

It was different from the ones she had given me before! Did she try out a new recipe?

“These aren’t the usual ones, are they…?”

“Yes. I tried to mix up different flavors, you see?”

Really? I’m looking forward to it now!

“Joro, aren’t you tired from all the classes today? Do you want me to give you a massage?”

“Hm? No, it’s fine. I’m not that tired…”

“Really? Well, just in case, I’ll help you relax.”

O-Oi! Before I could stop her, Tsubaki already scooted over to my back and massaged my shoulders. Ahh…this actually felt good~

Could it be…? This actually wasn’t a punishment game, but a reward for me?

“There are three different flavors inside, Joro-kun. Each color has different flavors.”

The macarons that she served on the plate had three different colors; White, yellow and purple.

When I saw those colors, it immediately clicked in my head. This…

“Huh…these are the colors of pansies…”

“Yes, so you noticed.”

“It’s just a coincidence. Anyway, let me take some of these.”

“Go ahead.”

I took the white one first and— That was SOOOO TASHHHTYYY!

As expected of Pansy, I guess! When it came to making sweets, she had no equals!

Seriously, she’d make a great pastry chef in the future!

“How is it?”

“It’s good!”

“Hehehe, then it’s worth all the love I put into it.”

She spewed out some nonsense as usual, but I could forgive her this time.

In any case, Pansy’s sweets were delicious, and Tsubaki’s massage felt good.

This place had turned into a paradise!

Yes! Yes! This was it! This was the kind of showdown that I wanted to experience!

It was worth holding out all day for this! Finally, I—

“Uwah! S-Sorry, Joro!”

Hm? What? Did you think that everything would turn south after she said that? Too bad, your prediction was wrong!

Tsubaki lost her balance and her body was sticking close to mine.

How should I put it? Her body had this unique softness in it.

Even though she had extremely lowest ‘excess flesh’ in some parts of her body, it still felt pleasant to touch her body.

Extremely lowest, yes, I made that term up as you could see.

At least up until May 31st 2016 I hadn’t seen that word listed in google search.

“Don’t worry about it, Tsubaki. Also, do you want some macarons too?”

“Sure, I’ll take one— but my hands are full. I’ll eat it later.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll feed you. Here, say ahh~”

“Mm. Thank you.”

Good job, me! Getting thanked once in a while felt good!

But, I still needed to show them that I wasn’t someone who only wanted to receive but never to give anything back.

“You look happy, Joro-kun.”

Oh, whoops, I needed to say something to Pansy.

Normally, I wouldn’t say something even remotely close to this, but I’ll make today an exception.

“Ah, that’s because your sweets are tasty, Pansy.”

“That means this is a draw for now… At this rate, the showdown wouldn’t end… That means, I have to bring out my secret weapon! Alright, here I go!”

What secret weapon? I was having so much fun already, so were you telling me that you had something else in stock?

“If that’s the case, then I’ll do the same.”

Huh? You too? No way! It was that, wasn’t it?

Will Pansy show me her true appearance again?

If that was the case, that would be bad for me! I wouldn’t be able to decide who’d be the winner!

The student council president and the childhood friend had been pretty much eliminated already, so they didn’t matter, but those two were pretty close right now!

In other words, the winner would be decided by whatever it was that they two would be doing. Gulp.

“Hm… Well, do whatever you guys like.”

The key here was to stay calm and feign disinterest!

If I were to show my excitement, chances were it would backfire on me!

“Okay, I’ll get ready.”

“Me too. Please wait a moment.”

Huh? Pansy was one thing, but Tsubaki was walking away too? Was she about to change her clothes too?

Could it be…? It was that, wasn’t it?!

The maid uniform! The one that every high school boy would dream about and always appeared in romcom animes, but it had the same appearance rate as Final Fusion⁶Gaogaigar’s final fusion, the author is so based.? Almost 0% chance?!

Well, fuck probabilities! Those weren’t real!

You could achieve anything with courage and willpower!

Oh crap, I got too excited! I needed to calm down. Let’s start thinking about something unimportant. Or I could just write a π⁷It should be write a 人 on your palm and swallow it. It’s the thing Japanese do to calm themselves down. on my palm and swallow it—

“Thanks for waiting, Joro.”

“Thanks for waiting, Joro-kun.”

Here it waaaaas! That was what I was waiting for, baby!

“No need to, it isn’t like I was waiting for— Huh?”

That was strange.

I expected to see Tsubaki wearing a maid uniform while Pansy took her glasses off, but…

Tsubaki was still wearing her school uniform, and Pansy still had her glasses on…

They were carrying something though.

“I never thought you’d be preparing the same thing as me, Tsubaki.”

“That’s my line. I never thought you’d know about this, Pansy.”

Pansy referred to Tsubaki by her nickname now, huh? What was she up to?

Anyway, that wasn’t important! Why were they both carrying piko-piko hammers⁸You know, that red and yellow hammer from Sonic? Amy’s hammer.?!

“W-Well, I guess we can do it at the same time. I-I did my best to do my research on it yesterday…”

“S-Sure. I-I’m also feeling a little embarrassed doing it myself, so I’ll gladly take that suggestion…”

Tsubaki was fidgeting around, meanwhile Pansy squirmed.

Because of her braids and glasses, the latter looked horrendous, but who cares.

““…””

The two of them looked at each other with red faces. Silently, they each took out rabbit ears from God knows where and put them on. Then, they lightly hit my head with the pico-pico hammers in their hands.

T-This…! C-Could it be—?!

““Master~! Are you making some mochi today, pyon? Huh? These aren’t mochis, pyon! As a punishment I’ll turn you into mochi, pyon!””

I knew it! It was one of my collections! ‘Bunny Maid and Her Hammer! Mochi Pounding Competition!’ I understood that Pansy would know it, but how did Tsubaki know about it?

“Yesterday, you told me to do this, so I thought that you really love this and did some research on it. And based on your response, it was worth putting all that work! Alright!”

So I was digging my own grave yesterday?! No, you shouldn’t have done that! I would still be happy even if you didn’t know it!

Well, I did feel kinda bad if you were to do this without being aware what it actually was, but you still didn’t need to look it up!

“So, what do you think? I don’t think I did it perfectly, but I put my best efforts into it.”

“Me too. I tried my best, but…as expected, is it not good enough…?”

Honestly, the fact that you two knew about this thing was already good enough.

I didn’t even know what to say.

“Oh my, it seems like Joro-kun is unsatisfied with this. Alright, let’s go on to the next one then…”

“I see. It can’t be helped, let’s start the next one. I hope I won’t lose this time.”

“W-Wait a minute! I-It wasn’t what you think! Y-You two did great!”

If they were to do another one of these, I’d die!

Seriously, why couldn’t they just leave it at this?!

“Neither of us would be satisfied with a tie. Let’s start the next round.”

“Agree. I won’t back down until you decide which mochi is better.”

Pansy, you piece of—! You knew how I feel about this, didn’t you?!

I could see your shoulders shaking! You were holding back your laughter, didn’t you?! Stop it! Seriously, stop it!

“Joro! Pansy! Sorry, I forgot that I left my handgrip in here…huh? Woah, those are cute headbands! Anyway, what are you guys doing…?”

Sun-chan! Dude, you always came to me whenever I got into trouble! What a good friend you were!

“I placed your handgrip at the reception desk, Sun-chan.”

“Oh, really? Thank you! Also, I don’t know what you guys are doing, but Joro’s face is screaming, ‘Anymore than this, I’ll die’, so do it in moderation, okay? See you!”

Then my best friend left the library with a refreshing smile on his face.

His parting speech was so perfect to the point that both Pansy and Tsubaki stood frozen in place.

“…Um, were we troubling you, Joro?”

“…That’s a shame.”

Those words from Sun-chan immediately made Tsubaki act meekly, while Pansy said those words with a regretful voice.

“Not really, but…just give me a break for a bit…”

In any case, he managed to end my suffering. Phew…so tiring…

“Joro…”

“What is it, Tsubaki?”

As I sat down on my chair, half-dazedly, Tsubaki approached me.

“Can I still know the result of today’s showdown? Despite everything…I still did my best…”

“…Right…”

As I was about to tell her the result of the showdown, Pansy was also staring at me intently.

Yeah, just as I told her yesterday, I’ll actually pick one of them as a winner instead of leaving them hanging.

I actually thought this over for the whole day, there was no way I’d chicken out.

“Tsubaki, you don’t need to devote yourself to me. You lost.”

“H-Huh? T-That’s…!”

“Don’t get me wrong, though. It isn’t like I hate you or anything, it’s just, you’ve done enough for me, I don’t need anything anymore, okay? So, please just treat me like a normal friend from now on.”

“…I see…”

My words really seemed to affect her, as even though she was nodding, she still looked really disappointed.

Cosmos and Himawari weren’t here, so I’d just tell them about this later. As for Pansy…

“Pansy, you also lost. But don’t get me wrong either, I’ve decided on a proper winner. And whoever it is, I’ll give them the right to boil me, fry me or whatever, I don’t care.”

“…I see. So, who is it?”

Despite looking disappointed, she seemed to be ready to hear my answer.

Like I said, I’ve decided on a proper winner, though they weren’t here at the moment.

I’ll tell them about this later.

They’d earn the right to boil me, fry me or whatever it was that they wanted to do to me.

Well, you guys must have figured it out already, who exactly the person I was talking about was! Yes, correct!

Today I’ve learned something important. The fact that I was a mob, and this kind of lifestyle, being pampered by a bunch of girls, wasn’t the right one for me!

I didn’t need a big harem!

Frolicking around with a bunch of cute girls was fun, but I had enough!

That was why I told Tsubaki to stop devoting herself to me or whatever.

Then, that bitch Himawari, well, starting tomorrow, she had morning practice and I had conscience, so it was only right for me to leave her alone for the time being.

Cosmos’ lunch was tasty, but I didn’t want her to force herself to make all that food for me.

I really, really loved Pansy’s sweets, but I could endure living without them…

And so, the winner of them all was…!

“Sun-chan!”

Homo? BL? Yeah, say whatever you want, see if I care!

As long as these guys could leave me alone, all was good! Seriously, make it stop!

Their personality, look, or…even gender! All of those didn’t matter!

The only thing that mattered was how much they understood me!

If you gave me a choice if I had to go through all this every single day or cuddle with Sun-chan, I’d pick the latter without hesitation!

After I told them all this, texting those who weren’t here, those girls immediately complained to me. Some of them even sent me something like, ‘But I’ve tried so hard…’ but I don’t care!

From now on, I’d devote myself to being a mob! I’d only cheer for Sun-chan from the side!

All hail the mob life! Vive la mob life! What romcom? Fuck that!