Chapter 3 – I’m Really Just a Mob That You Can Find Anywhere

My name is Kisaragi Amatsuyu, a.k.a Joro.

Take the ‘tsuki’ out of my name and it became ‘Joro,’ hence why they called me Joro. It was pretty simple.

My appearance was… A little above average. My grades were… A little better than average… My athletic capability was… A little better than average.

I was just a slightly attractive boy in his second year of high school.

Back in middle school, I was able to get along with everyone regardless of gender. No, I wasn’t trying to brag. Definitely not.

I didn’t join any clubs, but I have been the secretary of the student council since October last year.

Originally, I didn’t try to run for the office, but the student council president was a beauty and I knew the vice president personally, so I begged him for his recommendation.

I told him, ‘There’s no one better to deal with menial work than me in this school!’ To get him to recommend me.

There was nothing impossible in this world, it seemed.

What? My introduction sounded different from the last time?

Well, that was because my first introduction was a lie. There were some important details that I changed from back then.

Look, if I didn’t do that first introduction, people would come to hate me. Especially you readers.

If that were to happen, it would be scary, wouldn’t it?

In any case, from now on, I’ll be showing my true nature in my monologue, but I had no intention to show it in my actions.

I still wanted people to think that I was a kind, dense and pure-hearted boy.

If I were to reveal my true nature to them, everything would fall apart.

That was why I decided to continue playing this kind of character for the rest of my school life.

“Good morning, Joro!”

“Good morning, Himawari.”

Ouch it hurts! Stop slapping my back!

If you hit me that hard, you’ll leave a red mark on my back!

Think about me for a second. If I were to change to my P.E. uniform with that red mark, everyone would call me ‘Siegfried¹I assume this is a reference to the Germanic hero, Siegfried, the protagonist of Nibelungenlied. He died by a stab in his back, so this could be a reference to that..’

“Thanks for yesterday!”

“Ah, yeah.”

I still felt angry because of what happened yesterday, but I wouldn’t lash out at her in the open like this.

There was still a chance. I couldn’t lose her favor to carry out Operation Remora²If you don’t know, remoras are a species of fish that lives by eating parasitic crustaceans from the body of various large sea creatures like sharks or rays. successfully.

“U-Um… Y-You know, about yesterday…”

From the way she acted, she seemed to be wanting to tell me something.

Well, it couldn’t be helped. Let me farm a few affection points from her by giving her a lifeline.

“I’ll help you out, Himawari. Don’t worry!”

“Really?! Thank you! I really don’t know what to do…”

Sure sure, I’ll be happy to help you.

Well, there were some benefits for me to help her out.

If things didn’t go well for her and she ended up getting dumped… Hehehe…

But, before I cooperate with her, I should prioritize my safety first.

“Ah, but…”

“Hm?”

“Actually, Prez asked me the same thing the other day. I figured I need to tell you about it…”

“Eh?! What?!”

That should be my line.

I deserved to say that line more than you.

Anyway, I was actually torn between whether I should tell her about Prez or not. In the end, I decided to tell her.

I would also tell Prez the same thing later.

It would be a disaster if they were to find out that I was helping both of them at the same time after all.

I judged that it would be better for me to come clean.

Prevention was better than cure. It would be better for me to disclose everything first.

“The reason why she invited me to go out on Saturday was because she wanted to consult me about the same thing as you.”

“Uu… I knew it! She is my rival in love!”

Not bad, you noticed that, huh?

Man, and I wished that it was me who Prez came to love.

In the end it was just wishful thinking of mine.

“I mean, it’s obvious! The other day, that woman went out of her way to visit the tennis club first, even though it’s clearly more efficient to visit the baseball club first! That woman has been eyeing Sun-chan for a while too!”

“I-I see…”

So that was why you hit me with the ball instead of her? I was just a punching bag to you, wasn’t I?

If she was the target of your hatred, then hit her instead, not me!

By the way, she had been speaking in a scary tone. From now on, I’ll refer to her in this state as Black Himawari.

Also, she referred to Prez as ‘that woman’ so naturally. I was genuinely shocked to hear that.

“Anyway, I’ll be doing my best to help you both.”

“Eh?! You aren’t on my side, Joro?!”

“I am on your side, but at the same time, I’m on Prez’ side too. We might be childhood friends, but Prez was the one who asked for my help first, so I can’t just ignore her. Hence why I’ll be helping you both. Whoever ended up with Sun-chan, don’t hold a grudge, okay? If you can’t abide by these conditions, I won’t help you.”

“Uu…”

“Also, I’ll be talking with Prez about this later, so it won’t be unfair to her.”

“Nooo!”

“You said nothing about keeping my cooperation a secret from anyone. It’s unfair of you to complain now.”

“Hmph!”

Himawari puffed her cheeks, appealed while sulking, “Objection!” But, sadly, that move wouldn’t work on me anymore. I would never be deceived by her cuteness anymore.

Besides, asking me for help was unfair enough.

At this rate, if you went to an unexplored region, you’d probably get along with the indigenous people there.³A pun. 卑怯/Hikyo/Unfair and 秘境/Hikyo/Unexplored region has the same sound.

“Alright, moving forward, this is our strategy.”

“Huh?! You’ve thought of a strategy?!”

If she had a tail, it would probably be wagging up and down right now.

So cute. (Blegh)

Anyway, I planned my move thoroughly so I could live as a mob properly, that was why I went out of my way to do this.

“Of course.”

“Woah! Thank you, Joro!”

She was so happy after hearing my words that she immediately hugged me.

The faint scent of soap reached my nostrils and made my heart flutter… Of course not!

This bitch! I will never be deceived by your actions ever again!

Fool me twice, shame on me!

That was why you should keep hugging me like that! Yes!

Tighter! Tighter!

“Oops… So, what do I need to do?”

As I thought of that, she immediately separated from me! Well, I guess this was the limit of what a mob could receive.

“Firstly, let’s start with your ‘impression,’ Himawari.”

“Impression?”

“Yes. Normally, in cases like this, the first thing you should do is to let the other people get to know you, but you don’t need to go through this phase. You and Sun-chan have known each other since middle school, after all. But, this will lead to a disadvantage. To Sun-chan, you might no longer be a ‘girl,’ but rather a ‘good friend’ of him. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

“Yes… Sun-chan hangs out with me often, but he always treats me like the way he treats you, Joro…”

“Exactly! That’s why we need to change that first. We’ll make him see you as a ‘girl,’ that’s the first step we’ll be taking.”

“Joro, you’re amazing!”

“So, to do that, you need to stop going to school with me!”

“What? Why?”

“What do you mean why? You realized that he kept teasing us about how we should go out or whatnot, right?”

“…Yeah.”

My words stunned her. She seemed disheartened, but I didn’t really care.

Well I understood her feelings though. Imagine that the person you liked thought that you liked someone else.

“One of the reasons why he thinks that way is because we kept entering the classroom together. That’s why we need to stop doing it. Well, we can still walk to school together as long as we keep that in mind. For the time being, that’ll be our plan going forward.”

“I see! As expected of Joro!”

“Sun-chan may misunderstand us at first. He’ll probably think that we got into a fight or something, but that isn’t a problem. We can just act like usual so that he won’t misunderstand us like that. But we still need to keep a certain distance and you need to not get too chubby with me! In other words, aside from not entering the classroom together, you also need to watch how you act around me. Got that?”

“Yes!”

Glad that she was able to understand that.

Then, why did she fail to understand my feelings?

Because she didn’t care about me? Woah, that actually pissed me off. I almost self-destructed out of rage.

“Alright, we’ll start the plan today.”

“Okay! Then, until we arrive at school, let’s dash!”

After hearing what I said, she seemed to be strangely excited. She then took my hand and started running furiously.

Girl, I’ve told you the plan, why were you still doing this?

Well, with her dragging me along like this, at least I wouldn’t be late, I guess…

* * *

…So tired. I parted ways with Himawari just before we reached the school gate, but I still felt as tired as usual.

Why did I have to go along and run with her?

Whatever, let’s just go to the classroom quickly.

Huh, Himawari was talking with Sun-chan.

Well, I’ll leave them to themselves. Part of my job desc as a mob was to read the air properly.

So, I quietly took my seat, ignoring both of them.

For now, let’s make a plan for the day.

“Oi~ Joro!”

But, before I could think of anything, Sun-chan approached me.

“What’s up, Sun-chan?”

“Uh, what happened to you and Himawari? Why did you two come separately today?”

“Nothing happened.”

Of course I wouldn’t tell him anything.

Rather, I have to make sure that he was in the dark.

Still, it would be annoying if he were to keep asking me about it.

I sent a gaze toward Himawari, telling her to deal with him.

She saw it and nodded at me.

…Huh? She came over with both hands spread. Was she about to hug him from behind?

I see. That was a nice strategy for a natural bitch like her.

Do it. Show him the destructive power of your B-cup.

“Joro! Sun-chan! That’s unfair! You two are having such a nice conversation together!”

Why did you stop?! You were literally one step away from doing it!

Also, your pose! What were you trying to do with your outstretched arms now that you gave up on hugging him?!

“Oh, you want to join us, Himawari?”

“Yes! Let’s talk! Talk!”

Why were you jumping happily like that?! Reflect on your own mistakes first!

You lost your chance to talk with him alone!

…Whatever, I’ll let her practice hugging with me so that she won’t fail next time.

I’d hate to do this, but I had no choice. Seriously, I really hated it, but this was an emergency, so I had no choice but to do it. I’ll let her use my back for practicing.

Once again, I only did it because I had no choice!

“Right, Sun-chan, I went to watch a movie yesterday!”

“Huh, really?”

Oho. That was a nice topic to start, I gotta say.

With this, you could casually ask him out to go see a movie together later in the conversation.

“Mhm! Yesterday, Jo–”

You fooool⁴This is a Jojo reference. Stroheim’s line.!

What the hell were you doing?! We agreed to not tell anyone about our outing yesterday! Especially not him!

If you actually drop my name here, then all our efforts so far would be for naught!

I glared at her, preventing her from dropping that bombshell. But she was already halfway through it. What can we do to fix this?

Sun-chan furrowed his eyebrows because Himawari suddenly stopped talking.

“Jo? What are you trying to say, Himawari?”

I have nothing to do with her.

“J-Jo…Jojoen Skywalker’s was so good!”

Who?! That wasn’t an actor’s name! You just combined a yakiniku restaurant and the force⁵Jojoen is the most popular yakiniku restaurant in Japan. Skywalker is a Star Wars reference.!

After saying ‘Jo’, you could continue with ‘—rge Clooney’, ‘—hnny Depp⁶George Clooney and Johnny Depp, both are actors’ or hell, just say ‘—hnny Ridden⁷Johnny Ridden is another gundam reference.’ for the hell out of it. But, you went out of your way to create an original name instead!

“I see. Jojoen Skywalker, huh? I’ve never heard of him.”

Of course! He didn’t exist! He was made in Himawari⁸As in made in China, but Himawari.!

…Huh? Himawari was looking at me with teary eyes. We made eye contact.

‘Uh… What is it?’

‘Do something!’

What do you mean, do something?! Give me a precise instruction!

I couldn’t just come up with something that could top Jojoen Skywalker!

Still, I had to cooperate with her. If her affection meter with me dropped at this point, I wouldn’t be able to snatch her when she got rejected.

Alright, I’ll show her the power of a mob character!

“Did you go by yourself, Himawari?”

“Y-Yes! I-I went there alone!”

Let me explain! There were two goals that I wanted to achieve by saying those words!

One, to hammer in the point; ‘Himawari went to see the movie by herself.’

Two, to give out the impression that I didn’t know about this information prior to this conversation.

With the first point, Sun-chan would come to the conclusion that Himawari didn’t have a special relationship with anyone, she didn’t have a boyfriend. With the second point, he would think that I was in the same boat as him as I also didn’t know that Himawari went to see a movie yesterday.

A perfect follow-up if I may say so. Except that Himawari’s gaze wandered around. She was clearly confused by this development. Seeing her made me feel uneasy.

“I see… Anyway, Sun-chan, have you been seeing any movies lately?”

“No. I’ve been busy with my club, I didn’t have the time.”

“Really? What about going with Himawari next time? This girl went to see one by herself yesterday, but the thing is, she loves to go with someone else because she could share her impression of the movie with that person afterwards.”

“Is that so? Sure! …Wait, why won’t you go with her instead?”

“I don’t like the movies that she likes. You two get along well, so who knows, you might have the same taste as her.”

See? Wasn’t I amazing? I managed to brush the shit about Jojoen Skywalker aside and gave Himawari the perfect opening to exploit! Now, Himawari, take it away from here!

“I-I wan tu go wit San-chan two!”

She couldn’t make a proper follow-up, nice!

What kind of accent was she even using?!

“I-Is that so? Hehe… That makes me happy…”

Oi, seriously? A miracle happened! Sun-chan somehow blushed after hearing that!

That meant Himawari had a chance!

“Hearing yu happi made me happi too, San-chan…”

The Himawari Accent aside, that one was a good follow-up from her.

She could use her innocence to seduce him. This was going well.

If she could snatch him right there and then, that meant I could snatch Cosmos.

…Well, of course that didn’t happen. Things didn’t develop further than that and we ended up spending the rest of the morning talking like usual.

Whatever. Sun-chan saw me and Himawari talking normally, so he wouldn’t think that we were fighting or anything like that.

Our original goal for the day was fulfilled.

Also, we managed to confirm something about him. He blushed from Himawari’s words.

That meant he saw her as a girl.

* * *

…Tch. After school.

I really didn’t want to go there, but I had no choice but to go there.

As soon as homeroom ended, I immediately went to the student council room.

My homeroom teacher was sensible, so he always ended it early.

It ended earlier than the majority of other classes, so I could use this time to talk with Cosmos about my plan.

By the way, she always arrived at the council room first.

I didn’t know what kind of magic she used.

After knocking on the door, I heard a voice saying “Come in” from inside the room, so I opened the door.

See? She was there.

She slammed her note shut before smiling at me.

Trying to deceive me with that smile, huh? Fool me twice, shame on me!

“Hello, Joro-kun.”

“Hello, Prez.”

“Right, thanks for your time on Saturday. It was delightful.”

“No, no, I should be thanking you instead.”

Her smile reminded me of a goddess.

Too bad after what happened last Saturday, I became completely immune to it. If her smile was 100,000 volt⁹Pokemon reference. 100,000 volt is Pikachu’s signature move in the anime and in the game, ground type is immune to electric type attacks., then I was the ground type she struck it with.

“Prez, do you have time?”

“Mhm, I do. Until the meeting starts at least.”

Alright, let’s get on with it.

“I have something to tell you regarding the matter we talked about last Saturday.”

The moment I said that, her body froze.

Amazing. I thought she would never be fazed by anything, but those few words from me made her helpless like this.

She was a real maiden in love, huh? God, I wish I was the one she fell in love with.

“W-What is it? A-Are you sure it’s okay to talk about it here?”

She said that, but she already brought up her note. The girl was ready.

Since she seemed motivated, I decided to support her with all my power.

And if she ended up getting dumped anyway… Hehehe…

Whoops, no, let’s leave that thought for the future. For now, let’s focus on self-preservation first.

“There’s no one else here, so it should be okay.”

“R-Right! T-They won’t come until right before the meeting starts anyway!”

Exactly.

I only came here early normally because I wanted to be with Cosmos as long as possible. Other members didn’t share the same goal as me.

The earliest time they would stop by was around five minutes before the meeting started. In other words, we had plenty of time.

As expected of real mob characters, they could adjust to the situation well.

…Though, I’ve decided to be one of them starting from today.

“But first, I have to tell you something.”

“Hm?”

“Himawari has the same request as you, Prez.”

“What?”

The moment I told her this, she glared at me

Woah, scary! Seriously, she looked scary!

She exuded some kind of black aura. From now on, I’ll dub this version of Cosmos as Dark Cosmos.

I almost backed away after seeing that, but I couldn’t just run away. I was the one with the high ground here.

Unlike with Himawari, Cosmos wouldn’t be able to do anything without me.

“She invited me out on Sunday and she asked me about it then.”

“That brat… I knew it!”

This girl had the same reaction as Himawari, wow.

Girls were scary. Also, ‘brat?’ Dayum girl, I saw you in a new light now.

“That girl acted unnecessarily hostile toward me the other day when we went to visit the tennis club. Especially when I told her that we would be going to visit the baseball club. Also, remember the time when she hit you with that ball? That kind of behavior was the reason why I cut her club’s budget.”

“I-I see…”

Was she such a scary person? I really couldn’t afford to turn her into an enemy!

“In any case, I’m planning to cooperate with both of you.”

“W-What?! I thought you’re taking my side!”

What are you on about? Do you think I’ll automatically take your side just because you have such a desperate look on your face? Dream on.

“I am on your side, though? It’s just, I am also on Himawari’s side. That’s why I’ll help both of you equally. She’s still a precious childhood friend of mine, you know? I can’t just not help her. Also, you have to promise me that you won’t hold a grudge no matter who ended up winning Sun-chan’s heart. If you don’t promise me, I won’t help you.”

“Uu…”

“I’ve told Himawari the same thing and she already agreed. What about you, Prez?”

“If you say so…”

It seemed like I was giving her a choice, but there was really only one answer available for her.

If she were to refuse me here, I would just help Himawari out.

I wouldn’t lose anything if she were to refuse. Of course, she won’t do such a foolish thing.

“Ugh… Fine. I’ll be in your care.”

See?

“Alright, here’s our plan for the time being.”

“You’ve thought of a plan?!”

“Of course I have.”

“Thank you! It’s really reassuring to have you by my side!”

Stop grabbing my hand for every single little thing! I won’t feel anything even if you were to do that!

Hold it for another thirty minutes if you don’t believe me!

Firmly! Don’t let it go!

“Phew… So, what’s the plan?”

She immediately let my hand go! Ugh, a mob like me really couldn’t ask for much!

“Firstly, let’s start with your ‘impression,’ Prez.”

“Impression?”

“Yes. Normally, in cases like this, the first thing you should do is to let the other people get to know you. You and Sun-chan barely interact with each other aside from the matters regarding the council and his club. And so, to him, you’re just the ‘President’ and not a ‘girl’. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

“In other words, he thought of me as a serious senpai and nothing more. Is that what you’re trying to say?”

“Yes. That’s why we need to change that impression. We have to make him think of you as a ‘girl.’ That’s our plan for the time being.”

“W-Wow, you’re amazing…”

“To do that, you should try to go home with him, Prez. You might not like it, but I’ll accompany you guys. I’ve already made plans with him because I need to go somewhere, so you can just join us.”

“W-We’re going to start from there?! Rather than not liking it, it’s great that you’ll be accompanying us! If you were to leave me alone with him, I’d probably be too nervous to say something! Even then, I’m still not sure what I should say to him…”

Oi! I haven’t done talking yet, why were you writing on your note already?!

“There’s something that you need to take note of. Don’t leave the council room after we’re done with our meeting.”

“Should I ask him about his hobbies?… Huh? Will there be a problem if I were to leave the room?”

“Yes. The meeting ends at around 6, meanwhile the baseball club activities end at around 7. The thing is, the tennis club activities end somewhere between 6 and 7.”

Hearing that, Cosmos furrowed her brows. How perceptive.

“You understand what I’m trying to say? If you were to loiter around outside the council room, Himawari will definitely be suspicious. If this happens, she’ll definitely wait for Sun-chan’s club activity to end as well, ruining our plan. As long as she isn’t suspicious of you, she’ll just go home with the rest of her clubmates.”

“But, are you sure this is okay? Aren’t you supposed to help her out as well?”

“Prez, keep in mind that she and Sun-chan are classmates, they are together every day, all day long, so I can help her anytime I want. You have less time to be together with him, so I’ll dedicate my time after school to help you out. By the way, I won’t help either of you during lunch because I have a lot of things I need to do. But, if you want to approach him during that time, make sure to consult me first, got it?”

“Got it!”

In truth, I didn’t really have anything else to do during lunch.

I just didn’t want to end up wasting too much time taking care of other people’s love life.

Let me have some time alone during lunch, that was all I asked.

…Also, I had to say mostly the same thing twice, ugh.

Her reaction was similar to Himawari’s. I had a suspicion that they shared the same braincells.

Realizing that, I couldn’t help but feel anxious toward the future…

* * *

It was currently 7 pm. There was no one else inside the council room aside from me and Cosmos.

If it was a few days ago, I would be rejoicing over this situation, but right now, I was in no mood to rejoice over this.

Seeing Cosmos writing on her note with a happy expression just made me pissed off.

“Ah, I’m so nervous! Going home with Oga-kun… Just thinking about it already made me feel excited! R-Right, how should I greet him? Should I say ‘good evening,’ a simple ‘hello,’ or ‘spring is the herald of happiness, I wish you’re blessed with good health throughout this season?¹⁰This is the kind of greeting they would use when writing letters.’ Which one do you think I should say?”

“…Definitely not the last one.”

“Really? I thought it would be polite to use that one…”

The problem was that it was too polite. Also, why did you feel the need to mention the season in your greetings?

“Hm?”

At that moment, my phone vibrated. Sun-chan called me.

“Ah, you’re done? …Mm, sure. I’ll meet at the school gate.”

After hanging up, I stood up and called out to Cosmos.

“Alright, let’s go.”

“A-Ah, okay! U-Um, Joro-kun, do I look weird?”

Cosmos tidied up her hair with both hands. There was a strained smile on her face. It was clear that she was nervous.

That was the face of a maiden-in-love. Back when she went out with me, she had a completely different smile…

“No. You look as pretty as usual.”

“I-I see! Thank you!”

I went out of my way to call her ‘pretty,’ but she completely ignored it.

If it was Sun-chan who said that, I bet she’d turn as red as a boiled octopus.

Whatever. I was a mob anyway. Tch.

* * *

We walked together to the school gate. Sun-chan was already there.

When he noticed us, he waved at us while smiling.

“Yo, Joro, what’s up?”

“Nothing much. Ah, before that…”

I tilted my body sideways, revealing the shy-looking Cosmos.

“Prez says she wants to come with us.”

Quick, say hello to him! Put that note away from your face!

“Spring is the herald of happiness, I wish you’re blessed with good health throughout this season!”

I told you to not use that one! What’s wrong with you?!

Stop bowing to him! Just act normal, please!

“Ah…”

A dull thud echoed in front of the school gate.

Because of her frantic movement when bowing, she dropped her note.

Her hands were probably shaking out of nervousness and made her note slip away from her grip.

We barely started and she had already messed up… Well, it was my job to turn this mess into an opportunity.

“Sorry, Sun-chan, can you pick up the note for her?”

“Sure! Here you go, President!”

“S-Sorry! A-Also, t-thank you…”

Again, I had two goals that I wanted to achieve by saying those words.

One, to create an opportunity for them to talk to each other.

Two, to make sure that I didn’t pick the note myself.

The first goal was self-explanatory. It would be good if they could start a nice and pleasant conversation from that opportunity. The second goal was to hammer the point that I wasn’t interested in her at all.

Another perfect follow up for me. Except that Cosmos was too flustered to do anything because of it.

“Uuu… S-Sorry for troubling you, Oga-kun…”

With her note in her hands, she blurted those words out with a small voice that I could barely hear.

…Well, I shoulda expected this. Anyway, Himawari had a huge advantage over her in this kind of situation.

The fact that they weren’t in the same year was enough of a detriment for her, let alone the fact that Cosmos was the student council president. In normal circumstances, Sun-chan wouldn’t be able to start a conversation with her so casually, let alone in the current situation where she looked ever so impatient. Anyway, if I were to give Himawari a 10 for her performance, I could only give Cosmos a 3.

…Seriously. Just use your beauty and seduce him like you did to me. It wasn’t that hard.

“So, will you come with us, Sun-chan?”

“Sure! Let’s go!”

Well, the amount of affection points I could gather today depended on your performance, Sun-chan.

Do your best, you two. I’ll do my best too, as a support.

* * *

I took both of them to a certain fast food chain.

It was that burger chain that had a big M logo¹¹McDonalds.. There was one near the station close to our school.

I sent them to secure our seats, meanwhile I ordered our food.

Alright, I managed to get those two some time together. I really hope that she could use this opportunity well so that I could go home quickly.

“Two colas and one iced tea. All M-sized, please.”

“Understood! Two colas and one iced tea, all M-sized!”

After receiving both our drinks and the cashier’s sales smile, I carried the tray over to where our seats were.

I took my time and walked slowly while I was at it so that they could spend more time together.

…Only to find out that they didn’t even talk to each other!

Sun-chan was averting his gaze away from Cosmos, probably because he was nervous from being together with her. Meanwhile Cosmos was being Cosmos, writing something in her note with a bright red face.

…Oh, no…

“Thanks for waiting, you two.”

As soon as I called out to them, the two of them turned their gazes toward me with sparkly eyes.

With those kinds of gazes, you’d think that I’m the messiah or something.

I placed the drinks in front of the two of them and sat next to Sun-chan.

This was to avoid any misunderstandings about my relationship with Cosmos.

Wasn’t it a clever move? I was perfect as a mob, wasn’t I? I was the one who said that, but it still felt sad somehow.

“Let’s get to business. Actually, I want to talk about Prez.”

““Huh?””

Both of them let out a dumb voice. See? You guys were a perfect match for each other.

Now, all you two need to do is to get to know each other better and become lovers quickly. Meanwhile, I’ll snatch Himawari for myself.

“Sun-chan, do you think Prez is a little intimidating?”

“A-Ah… Hm…”

He crossed his arms and started to think.

I knew that he thought of her as intimidating, he was just trying to figure out a better way to say it so that the girl in front of him wouldn’t feel offended.

Also, dear Cosmos. Stop staring at him with that hopeful look. Just accept the cold truth.

“If you don’t want to answer, it’s okay, you don’t need to.”

“No, I’ll say it or else I wouldn’t be a man! Yes! I do think that she is a little intimidating!”

Hearing those words coming out of his mouth, Cosmos instantly turned into a husk of a person.

To me, she looked hilarious, but those words must have dealt a huge amount of emotional damage to her.

Then, she started writing something in her note at a tremendous pace.

Poor girl. I guess she wasn’t ready to hear that cold truth, huh?

“I know, right? You aren’t the only one who thinks so, the other students also think the same way, especially the first years and the second years.”

“Well, her status as a third year is intimidating enough, I guess…”

“Mhm. That’s why I want to help her get rid of that image. To do that, I need your help, Sun-chan.”

“Huh? Why me?”

Because she liked you.

Of course I wouldn’t say that out loud.

“You get along well with everyone, don’t you? You’re the perfect kouhai for her to get along with. Think of it like this, if everyone were to see you getting along well with her, they’ll be less intimidated toward her presence. Also, there’s another problem with Prez, which is that her personality is quite stiff. I think you’re the best person to fix that side of her.”

“No way, surely there’s someone out there that’s better than me.”

“No, I don’t think so. You see, Sun-chan, you’re really good at making people laugh and feel at ease around you. You should be able to do the same with Prez. That’s why I think you’re the best person for the job.”

“Somehow I feel embarrassed when you praise me with a straight face like that, Joro.”

Even after I praised him, my words weren’t going through his thick skull.

No, calm down, me. Don’t lose to those negative emotions! Be calm!

I’m just a mob… I’m just a mob… Okay, I calmed myself down.

“Anyway, if you don’t mind, Sun-chan, can you hang out with Prez for a while after you’re done with your club?”

Look at my killer pass! Wasn’t it amazing?

All you need to do is to follow up, Cosmos!

“I don’t mind, but do you mind it, President? I mean, you’ll be stuck with a sweaty and smelly guy like me…”

“I don’t mind, nya!”

She transformed from a young lady to a cat.

And she somehow didn’t notice it as she kept on talking.

“I-I… W-Want… T-To do… S-Something… A-About… M-My image, baa! I-I want to be closer to other students too, nya! A-Also, I want to get to know you better, Oga-kun, nya!”

“O-Okay… G-Got it, President…”

You were stuttering at weird points in your sentence, you know? It made your words sound weird.

Also, you made a sheep noise at one point.

That last part was nice though. The blush you made when you mentioned his name and looked at him in the eye earned you a point from me.

God, I wish that was me. Why didn’t she do that to me too?

Because she doesn’t love me! Oh my goodness!

“Hahaha. By the way, since you two are going to hang out a lot from now on, why not try to call each other by your nicknames? Prez, try calling him ‘Sun-chan.’ And you, Sun-chan, try calling her ‘Cosmos.’”

That was a godly move from me if I may say so myself. Maybe I had ascended and turned into a god already? No, I was still a human!

“Ah, right! Then, please take care of me, Cosmos-san!”

“Likewise… Sun-chan…”

She let out a soft smile. It seemed like she had finally calmed down.

What a nice smile. Back to the normal Cosmos.

“S-Somehow, this feels embarrassing…”

Seeing Cosmos’ embarrassed look, Sun-chan scratched his head awkwardly.

Hmm… It seemed like he also thought of Cosmos as a girl, same as Himawari. Well, that was a given, I guess.

After all, Cosmos was a beauty.

We continued to discuss what we would be doing in the future, but that was a tell to tale for the future.

And so, their first contact had ended in success and my exciting day had come to an end.

Then I realized that I had to deal with this every day from now on…

* * *

Next day.

Ah~ sho tired… Finally, lunch time!

When was the last time I was this excited for lunch?

Probably back when I was in grade school? There was this one menu that I really liked in the cafeteria.

I spent the night dealing with Cosmos’ extremely polite thanks and the whole morning talking about our plans for the future with Himawari.

They were dependent on me for the time being…

Also, Himawari… You’ll pay for the things you’ve done to me this morning, but I’ll leave you alone for now.

I want my lunch break to be free of the troubles that you guys caused.

By the way, I told both Cosmos and Himawari that they fell in love with the same person, but I didn’t tell them the details about what each of them were doing to seduce the dude.

If I were to do that, I would be a failure of a double agent don’t you think so?

Anyway, it was lunch break.

If I don’t go somewhere soon, Sun-chan will drag me to go with him.

If Sun-chan dragged me somewhere, Himawari would also come along.

If Himawari came along, Cosmos would be mad at me.

In order to avoid that negative chain, I had to leave the classroom quickly.

But, where should I go?

The cafeteria? No, that place was too noisy.

I needed a place where I could be alone. Crowded places like the cafeteria would only give me a headache instead of inner peace that I seeked.

So, I wouldn’t go there.

Rooftop? No, that place was the Mecca for couples.

Many couples were probably enjoying their lunch there.

If I saw such scenes, I doubt that I would be able to restrain myself from going ballistic.

My negative emotion would run rampant and I’d go around rampaging like a certain purple-colored humanoid machine of destruction¹²I’m sure this is an Evangelion reference, referring to Eva Unit-01. Unless there’s another purple-colored humanoid mecha that normally goes into berserk mode that I don’t know of..

Therefore, I wouldn’t go there.

That left… One place… Right, that place…

I really didn’t want to go there, but it was a better option than the other two. That place was really quiet, a perfect place for me.

Except that a hateful demon resided there.

But, it wasn’t like I had any other choice available for me. In reluctance, I dragged my feet to that place.

All while praying to the heavens, “I hope she isn’t in that place!”

* * *

“Oh my, how unusual.”

When I opened the door, a voice entered my ear.

I felt elated to see that she wasn’t sitting in the reception desk, but it turned out that she was organizing books nearby.

This girl was the Braided Demon King, Pansy. The heavens did not answer my prayers.

“It’s lunch, why are you here?”

Since I didn’t want to involve myself with her, I quickly left her behind and went to the reading space.

…Huh? What was that? There was a very large box with a jungle logo on it.

The box was opened and there was nothing inside.

…Whatever, it surely didn’t have anything to do with me.

I hunched over, ignored Pansy, who was trying to talk with me and dragged my feet toward the reading space.

Pansy seemed to be following me from behind, but I ignored her.

As soon as I arrived, I slumped down on one of the chairs and laid my body on the desk.

“What happened to you, Joro-kun? Normally, you look like a slightly rotten tangerine peel and now you look like a completely rotten tangerine peel.”

Pansy seemed to notice my strange state as she looked into my face and hurled her venom at me.

“Sorry, but can you leave me by myself for a while?”

Or rather, leave me alone forever. I don’t want to talk with you.

“Oh my, then can I treat you as if you don’t exist?”

“Do whatever.”

“Got it.”

After hearing my words, she quickly left.

Huh, she was surprisingly obedient today. Guess I’ll take a nap then.

This place… BAM! Is so… BAM! Quiet… SLAM!

“It’s heavy! What the hell are you doing?!”

When did she come back?! I didn’t even notice her presence!

Also, the previous bam bam noises were caused by the books she was holding.

To be exact, the books that she dropped onto my back while I was trying to take a nap.

“I’m organizing the books. There are too many books here… I’m just talking to myself, by the way.”

How the hell did she manage to bring so many books in such a short time?

“Jeez! Just stop doing something weird like this! Also, get them off me, those books are heavy!”

When I tried to take a nap again, she dropped another stack of books on me. She really was merciless.

“Huh, that’s weird. I thought there’s no one here, but why do I keep hearing someone’s voice? Am I hallucinating?”

“Um, sorry, but can you just leave me alone? You can acknowledge my existence, just leave me alone…”

“No.”

“But why?!”

“You were the one who told me to treat you as if you don’t exist. You brought this to yourself, idiot.”

PAAAAANSYYYY!

“Um, Sanshokuin-san?”

“Just call me Sumireko.”

Stop staring at me while adjusting your glasses like that!

Why would I comply with your wish why you wouldn’t even do it with mine?!

“No, Sanshokuin-san.”

“Meanie…”

“Um, I’m really tired right now, so can you leave me alone for a while? I need some rest…”

“I guess helping your childhood friend and the student council president with their love lives is tiring, huh? It took all your time during the morning and after school, after all.”

“…What?”

What did she just say?

“I guess I’ll tell Oga-kun about this. See you, have fun, do your best.”

Saying that, Pansy stood up and walked away.

“STOP RIGHT THERE!”

I shouted, ran after her and grabbed her shoulders forcefully.

It was great that there was no one else in the library. My scream was really loud to the point that it surprised even myself.

She turned around to look at me with her usual expressionless face.

“How do you know that?”

“Know what?”

“What you were talking about earlier…”

“I hate people who can’t even speak what’s in their mind clearly.”

She looked upset as she said that. I was the one who should be upset here, though.

“I don’t care whether you like me or not.”

“So cruel. I can’t get married now.”

“Stop exaggerating things!”

“Anyway, what is it that you want to know?”

Again, she pushed her glasses up. Seeing that, my anxiety went through the roof.

“The thing about me helping Himawari and Prez…”

“Oh, that. The matter that Akino-senpai and Hinata-san talked to you over the weekend, no? Pretty sure the President consulted you on Saturday and Hinata-san did the same thing on Sunday…”

“How could you even know about those details?!”

“Of course I know about them. You know, I…”

“Y-Yes?”

Her indifferent voice gave me an ominous feeling. I immediately averted my gaze.

From her reflection in the window, she seemed to be holding the hem of her skirt with her eyes downcast. Could she be nervous?…

“I was stalking you.”

…What?

‘I was stalking you’ echoed in my head repeatedly.

Maybe she just said nonsense like that because she was nervous? …But I doubt that, she was definitely telling me the truth.

Why the hell was she stalking me? I don’t understand her thought process at all!

The thing that I understood though, was the fact that I was about to enter a swamp. A bottomless swamp.

Once I entered it, I wouldn’t be able to get out and would be left suffocating to death inside.

Alright, let’s get out of here before it’s too late. Stop asking any more questions and just leave her alone.

“I-I see! So you were stalking me, Sanshokuin-san! Well, it’s no wonder that you know about everything! Well, I gotta go now!”

I lifted my hands, turned around and immediately started to speed walk away from her.

Run away, run away, run away.

“If you run, I have no choice but to tell him about what you’re doing.”

Don’t run away, don’t run away, don’t run away.

When I glanced behind me, I saw the apostle of death beckoning me to come closer.

Someone, please… I’ll give you all my heart, please save me…

“Come here, doggy.”

Now I knew what it felt like to be a death row criminal.

The pain and despair that they felt…

Slumping my shoulders, I went back to Pansy’s side.

Why did she always treat me like this?… Just, why?…

“Joro-kun.”

The shinigami called out my name, quickly moved away and sat down somewhere else.

“…What?”

The moment I saw that thing, I froze.

This was the library, not somewhere outdoors! This was a place for people to borrow and read books, nothing more, nothing less!

How did that… Bench¹³Bench-kun counter: 3 get in here?!

“I saw them selling it on the internet. The reviews said that it’s comfortable to sit on and they all love it, so I bought it for around 648O yen.”

I didn’t ask for that kind of explanation!

“Um… Do you mind sitting next to me first?

Those words! This atmosphere! C-Could it be?…

No good. I definitely should not sit next to her—

“Sit down, or else my mouth might run wild without me knowing.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

I couldn’t even escape from this situation! Feeling miserable, I followed her instructions and sat down.

I tried to sit on her left side, but she mercilessly shoved me toward her right side.

However, she didn’t continue her words.

Ah, this scene again! We came full circle!

Pansy fiddled with her hair with her gaze wandering around suspiciously.

This wasn’t a scene that could make my heart flutter, but a scene straight from a horror movie!

“Um… Phew…”

Even that sweet-sounding exhale she made scared me.

“In truth, there is someone that I like…”

Yes, yes, I knew it. It was Sun-chan, right?

I knew how the story would progress after this. She was stalking me, trying to find everything she needed about me so that she could blackmail me to help her get close to Sun-chan. Alright, Pansy, just stop talking, save your breath.

“When I think about him, my chest feels tight. Just being able to see him every day makes me happy. I know this is selfish of me, but I always force myself to make an excuse to see him…”

Wow what a surprise~

Come to think of it, I saw her peeking into our classroom occasionally. So she was looking at Sun-chan, huh? Whenever I walked into the hallway, she always tried to approach me because of her devotion to him, huh?

What a bold girl!

“I…”

Slowly, but surely, she brought her face closer to mine.

She had the face of a maiden-in-love. Her face looked scary, scarier than even Fudo Myoo¹⁴Fudo Myoo, or in Sanskrit, Acala, is one of Five Guardian Kings in Chinese Buddhism and by extension, Japanese Buddhism. He is the fierce manifestation of the Supreme Buddha, Mahavairocana or Dainichi Nyorai in Japanese..

When our faces were close enough to the point that we could feel each other’s breaths, she closed her eyes.

Sun-chan! Come here!

“I like you, Joro-kun.”

…You should be mentioning Sun-chan there! Somehow I felt betrayed! Why the hell did you suddenly make an actual confession at that timing?! You weren’t Himawari! All those build up and you didn’t end up mentioning Sun-chan’s name!

“It started–”

“Okay! I don’t need to hear the rest of your story!”

With all my energy, I tried to stop her from talking. I really didn’t want to hear about any of these!

Seriously, I had enough! Just give me a break!

Pansy showed me a displeased look.

“I hate it when you talk like that…”

Huh? What the hell was she talking about?

“The one I fell in love with was the real you¹⁵Reminder that Joro is usually mimicking the way harem romcom MC talks outside of his monologue. It doesn’t translate well into English, so pardon me if you didn’t get that..”

Pansy glanced at me while smiling.

The real me? Like, the real me?

The asshole me, not the good, humble character I’ve been playing?

“Yes, that’s right.”

Oi, don’t read my mind casually like that!

“U-Um, Sanshokuin-san!”

“If you don’t drop that act, I’ll tell everyone everything.”

“Ugh!”

There was a mischievous glint in her eyes. Both corners of her lips rose up ever so slightly.

What a shame, if only she was a beautiful girl, I would be happy to be in this situation. Also, I doubt that she really knew—

“Let me talk with Hyde¹⁶Reference to the book Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Hyde. The book is about Henry Jekyll, a kind scientist who was amiable and well-liked by everyone and Edward Hyde, the alter-ego of Jekyll, an evil, mysterious and violent man who wouldn’t hesitate to commit heinous crimes. In here, she just connected Joro’s real personality to Hyde..”

In her hands was a book titled ‘Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.’

This girl… She really figured me out, huh?

Still, for her to like the real me, was she right in the head? (Well, I figured that she isn’t from a while ago, but you know…)

Crap… What can I do here?

Not only was she aware of my plans, she was also aware of my true personality. It would be hard for me to go against her wishes now.

Well, if she were to ask me something that would endanger my life, of course, I would refuse it with all my might, but you know…

Alright, enough contemplating! Let’s just do this!

“…So, what’s your objective?”

When I changed my tone, her face turned bright as a big smile appeared.

“Disgusting! Ow!”

As soon as I said that, she stomped on my feet as hard as she could.

“Being honest is good, being too honest, however, is not.”

Being violent was also not good!

“My objective, huh?”

“Ouch… Right, your objective, what is it?! Let me say this straight, I’m not going to go out with you!”

“Me neither.”

“I thought you said you like me?”

“I do.”

Her tone sounded unusually clear when she gave that affirmation.

“Then, don’t you want to go out with me, kiss me and do…other things…with me?”

“I appreciate that you didn’t say sex out loud.”

“Do you know the term ‘being subtle?!’ What’s the point of me avoiding saying that word when you just say it nonchalantly like that?!”

“That’s not my problem. Anyway, I only want to tell you my feelings.”

“You tell me your feelings, then what?”

“…”

“You haven’t thought this through, did you?”

Pansy turned her head away while pouting. I hit the nail on the head, it seemed.

Seriously, what’s wrong with her?! Was she always this thoughtless?!

“I can think of it later.”

“What a quick change of attitude…”

She then turned her gaze toward the ceiling. There was a slight tint of red on her cheeks.

“Love is a wonderful thing…”

“I want to refuse your feelings, can I?”

“Do whatever you like.”

“Okay…”

“By the way, Joro-kun, since you’ll be with Hinata-san in the morning and Akino-senpai after school, why don’t you spend your lunch here with me?”

Pansy twisted her body slightly and pointed toward the reading space.

“I refuse.”

“I refuse your refusal.”

“Didn’t you tell me that I can do whatever I like?”

“I didn’t tell you that you can refuse me.”

“Y-You…”

“Think about it, it isn’t such a bad deal for you. You can stay here quietly and no one will bother you here. Isn’t that what you want anyway?”

She was right. Barely anyone visited the library during lunch. Also, there was a secret advantage of being here.

“This is a good place to hide.”

Right. The library was big and there were so many places for me to hide in when it came down to it. Under the long desks, between the libraries and many more.

“But I have to be with you all the time whenever I’m here. That’s enough of a reason for me to not come here.”

“You hate me that much, huh, Joro-kun?”

“More than you can ever imagine.”

“I love honest people.”

“Me too.”

“See? Our feelings are mutual.”

“Not in that way! You and your positive thinking!”

“Really?”

Pansy tilted her head. Seeing this, my irritation grew.

“Yes, our feelings aren’t mutual at all! Let me set this straight with you! I have no desire to kiss you or do anything that’s related to that with you!”

“Me neither. That means our feelings are mutual.”

“Stop saying that!”

“Lunch is almost over. See you tomorrow.”

“O-Oi!”

She stood up and grabbed her things.

Then, she walked toward the exit. Just before she went outside the library, she stopped.

“…Saying all that made me feel embarrassed, you know?”

With that last remark, she hurriedly left the library.

Haah… Why did it turn out like this? …Out of all people why did it have to be her?

It wasn’t Cosmos or Himawari…

Even though I did all I could do so that everyone could love me.

Why…

Are you the only one who loves me¹⁷Cue the title drop!?!