Chapter 1 – The Completion of My Harem and Its End

Right now, a girl was standing right in front of me.

She had short, straight hair, and her forehead was covered by her bangs. Her eyes looked stern and manly, her height was a little taller than average and her chest was disappointing, flatter than even Himawari’s.

Despite that disappointing part, she was pretty enough. This girl, Yoki-san, was a transfer student who joined our class today.

Anyway, this girl was an eccentric one.

Back when she first introduced herself in front of the class, she suddenly walked up to me and said…

‘From now on, I’ll devote myself to you. I’ll be in your care.’

…That incomprehensible line. Not only that, she suddenly kissed the back of my hand right after that.

An interesting turn of event, wasn’t it?

Now, if only she kissed my lips, or at least, my cheeks instead…

Maybe we were secretly engaged thanks to our parents’ old promise? Or maybe we promised each other our future in the past? Like, keeping our promise inside a locket and she was keeping the key as a pendant¹Nisekoi reference.…?

There were a lot of possibilities, but there was only one conclusion to draw.

I entered the transfer student plotline!

Heh, I had been preparing myself for the day when I got to enter a romcom route and it seemed like my preparation wasn’t in vain!

Now, what to do in this situation? Obviously, staring at her with innocent eyes that everyone would find cute while saying, ‘Um… I don’t understand…’ was the way to go!

Hahaha! Pulling that kind of stunt would be easy for me!

“Noooo!”

Or so you’d think! Of course I wouldn’t do that! I pulled out my hand and let out a loud scream.

Seriously, what the hell was her deal?! No sane person would come up to someone’s side and suddenly kiss the back of their hand!

“Your reaction is too much, don’t you think so?”

Sorry for reacting that way to your advances, but there were too many things wrong with your actions for me not to react that way! Actually, scratch that, your action itself was problematic!

“I-I mean, a normal person wouldn’t do something like this, wouldn’t they?”

“Yes, they would.”

“No, they wouldn’t!”

Look, even if you knew me, as a transfer student, why the hell would you come up to me and kiss the back of my hand?!

Besides, I didn’t even know who the hell you were to begin with!

“But, my dad told me that if I want to devote my life to someone, I should show them my sincerity by kissing the back of their hand first… Strange…”

Which British noble family were you born from?! Your father’s educational policy was the strange one here!

No matter how you looked at it, that would only create misunderstandings! People would only get suspicious if you were to do that in real life!

Seriously, if she kept this up, she’d be having a tough time living in this school…

See?! Everyone was looking at her with a strange look already…or not?! They were looking at me with disgust! Really? Was I going to have to go through this shit again?!

“Ah, Yoki-san, don’t you think it’s time for you to introduce yourself to the class?”

Nice, Sensei! You did a good job to change this uncomfortable atmosphere!

“Right, I’m sorry. Then, see you later, Kisaragi Amatsuyu-kun.”

She referred to me by my full name. It was scary. It felt like she would chase me to the end of the earth.

Seriously, I didn’t need that ‘see you later’. I had enough, I didn’t need you to come back to me.

“My name is Yoki Chiharu. My nickname at my previous school was ‘Tsubaki.’ Just take the ‘Ki’ off my surname and ‘Haru’ off my first name, it’ll become ‘Tsubaki.’²Yoki Chiharu/洋木茅春. Take the ‘ki/木’ and ‘haru/春’, for ‘Tsubaki/椿’ I’d appreciate it if you would call me by that name.”

Amazing, she even had her own nickname following the series’ theme…

Anyway, even after hearing her full name, I couldn’t recall anything about her. Seriously, who was she?

I think I need more hints…

“Is there anyone who wants to ask her a question?”

“Ah, me! I want to ask something! Tsubaki-chan, why did you transfer to our school?”

Nice, Himawari. Asking a question that had nothing to do with what had just transpired to douse this strange atmosphere was a good move.

‘Kissing someone’s hand is a common thing, right? Why do you guys look so upset?’

It was as if she was saying those words dismissively.

I’ll dub you as ‘Bitchy Djokovic³The ‘vic’ in Djokovic and ‘bitch’ sounds the same in Japanese. Also, a reference to Novak Djokovic, the current ranked 2 tennis player in the world and the guy who held the longest record of holding the 1st rank tennis player in the world according to ATP.,’ since you were a tennis player and all.

“My parents own a kushikatsu shop and since business is booming for us, we decided to open a branch here. I moved in with them. Our shop’s name is ‘Yoki Kushikatsu.’ It’ll open the day after tomorrow, so you can come and visit us if you like.”

“Woah, amazing! Alright! I’ll definitely come and visit!”

If her parents owned a kushikatsu shop, then why the hell did her father practice British etiquette?

Was it because kushikatsu were similar to rapiers?

No, that shouldn’t be the case. Rapier was French, not British… Wait, kushikatsu shop? Huh…?

‘My name is Chiharu. It is spelled with ‘chi’ from ‘Chigasaki’ and ‘haru’.’

“Ah, I see, I remember you now! Wait, you are a girl?!”

I almost got up from my seat, but I held the urge as I shouted my words.

Yes, I remembered who she was! It was that guy!

The unbelievably handsome clerk who ran the kushikatsu stall I found last year! Back when I bought kushikatsu to cheer Sun-chan up!

“You finally remembered? Wait, did you think I was a man—?”

“Did you say Yoki Kushikatsu?!”

Huh? An even louder shout than mine echoed from another seat.

The source of that shout was my friend, Oga Taiyou a.k.a Sun-chan.

For some reason, he seemed very excited.

He stood up with a clattering sound as he put his hand on his desk. He even jumped in excitement.

Being treated so violently by a 180 something cm tall guy, I swear I could hear that desk screaming in pain. I hope that he’d be more careful so that the desk wouldn’t break and injure himself in the process.

“Ah, you know about my family shop?”

“Of course! Since August last year ‘Yoki Kushikatsu’ has become one of the supernovas in the world of kushikatsu! In just one bite, you’ll be able to experience their extraordinary battering technique and high quality ingredients! In a single lick, you could see the emerald color spread, it’s truly the Aegean Sea of the sauce world! Not only will it please your palate but it’ll also soothe your soul, giving you the ultimate kushikatsu experience! Ah, I can’t get enough of it! ‘Yoki Kushikatsu’ is a hit even among the gourmet!”

Calm down, Sun-chan. I could understand your feelings, but I couldn’t understand what the hell were you talking about.

All I could get from your speech was your unending love for kushikatsu.

“Mm, you know your stuff. You summed everything up nicely.”

What?! You could understand what he was saying?!

“Ah, I think that should be enough for the self-introduction. Your seat is in the back, Yoki-san, please get seated.”

It seemed like the Homeroom Teacher had enough of this spectacle as he forcibly ended the self-introduction session.

“I understand.”

Urged by him, Yoki went to her assigned seat with an expressionless look on her face.

Contrary to the usual trope, she didn’t end up sitting next to me, but quite a distance away from me.

By the way, my seat was the third seat from the front and second seat from the right, pretty much a location that’d suit a mob. That was why all the seats around me were occupied.

Incidentally, the one who sat next to me was…

“Joro, you got her to kiss the back of your hand? Unbelievable…”

Girl A-san, the terrifying member of the charismatic girls’ clique.

“N-No, I-I didn’t even know why she’d do such a thing…”

“…Gross.”

Wasn’t it strange?

In the last volume’s epilogue, she seemed to be respecting me after I lent her a hand when she had a fight with her clique. But why was she looking at me with such a disgusted look?

I guess this was what they meant when they compared a woman’s heart to the autumn sky⁴It’s a proverb in Japanese, basically saying that the woman’s heart is fickle and easily changed just like the weather during the autumn.. I learned a lot today.

…Well, that wasn’t the point.

Last April, I got into the ‘Scumbag Who Posed as a Romcom Protagonist Tried to Snatch Two Beauties at Once’ incident. Then, earlier this month there was the ‘Scumbag Who Got Chosen as the Kabuten Participant Despite Him Being a Mob, but This Time, He Got Three Beauties Instead of Two!’ incident. And now, just a day before June started, the ‘Scumbag Who Made the Transfer Student Kissed His Hand’ incident started!

…Honestly, when I think about it, it was amazing.

While such incidents didn’t come every single day, it still came to me at a rate of one incident per month.

If I were a detective, I’d be a good one because of how ridiculous the amount of incidents I had to face was.

Anyway, I should stop complaining and start thinking about what to do.

Since this wasn’t my first round, I was completely calm.

How calm was I? My eyes couldn’t focus, they wandered around like crazy. Also, my thighs were shaking three times the normal speed.

Since I was that calm, I managed to devise three guidelines as countermeasures for this potential incident.

Of course, I’ll happily introduce you! Here’s the grand reveal of my guidelines!

Number one: Ensure that I wouldn’t attract the hostility of everyone in class, especially Girl A-san.

This one was an obvious one. Yoki’s action was clearly a bad thing for me.

Thanks to her, I could hear the jealous voices and feel the killing intent my boy classmates exuded. Just listen to what they were saying… ‘I can throw away my humanity at any moment now…’ See? They were ready to wear that stone mask⁵Jojo Part 1 reference.!

I should consider getting a part-time job at Heroes Inc⁶A novel by Kitagawa Emi..

In any case, I should work on reversing this situation rather than escaping from reality.

Therefore, time to struggle.

Number two: Ensure that Pansy wouldn’t find out about this.

Whoops, don’t you dare get the wrong idea. I didn’t want her to find out not because I liked her. I still hated her for all intent and purpose.

The thing was, that girl had been openly showing me her affection and was bold enough to tell me that she liked me.

If she were to find out about this, who knows what would happen.

Though, I knew one thing for sure.

If she were to find out, that would be a one way ticket to hell for me.

Therefore, time to struggle.

Number three: Avoid sitting with Yoki as much as possible.

This was important. Our first meeting was like a fateful encounter.

The time, place and event was like something you’d see in a love story.

Now, if I were to willingly sit beside her? Something terrible would bound to happen.

Especially if I were to sit in that particular place with her. There wasn’t a single time when I sat down in that place with someone and things didn’t go horribly wrong.

Hell, I couldn’t even bring myself to say its name.

Therefore, time to struggle.

Alright, that would be my guidelines for this time’s incident. What do you think? Perfect, isn’t it?

I’ve decided the actions that I needed to take based on my relationships with everyone around me and my past experience.

Alright, time to do my best to fight on while following those three guidelines!

“You’re messing with another girl again, huh, Joro? And I thought you’ve repented… Now, where’s my memo?”

Number four: Do not let this girl write any unnecessary article about me.

Therefore, time to struggle.

Alright, time to do my best to fight on while following those four guidelines!

* * *

After a shocking homeroom session, the short recess before the first period started.

The moment the teacher said his closing statement, Yoki immediately came up to me.

That was way too quick, woman. What the hell?

Damn it! Why couldn’t my classmates just do the usual thing and crowd around her like what other people normally did with transfer students?! Why were they so reasonable when it came to something like this?!

Almost everyone was staring at us…

“So, is there something that you want me to do? I can do anything for you.”

“Then, give me a gyaru’s panties!”

Alright, what I gotta do here was to ease the atmosphere with a light jo—

“Okay.”

“Huh?”

Wait, what? This girl suddenly turned her gaze toward Girl A-san— Wait, no!

“You. Can you give Kisaragi Amatsuyu your panties?”

“W-What?! Why me?!”

NOOO! NOT THAT GYARU PLEASE!

“W-Wait, I was joking!”

“Really? Then, stop making jokes that would be easily misunderstood. So, what is it that you want me to do for you?”

I just wanted to lighten the mood…couldn’t I do that at least…?

“Y-You…m-my panties…”

Actually, Girl A-san, I liked the way you were putting your hands between your legs.

You were scared at the thought that she might take off your panties, weren’t you? Kyaaa! So cute!

Since you made such a cute gesture, you understood my intention, right?

I said something perverted, but I really just wanted to ease the atmosphere.

So, why wouldn’t you try to smile and—

“You trash!”

Yes, yes, I was, but so what?

Fine, if you were going to act like that, see if I care!

Let’s ignore her and deal with Yoki instead. What was it that we were talking about? What I wanted her to do?

“Yoki, you see, I—”

“Call me Tsubaki. Did you already forget my introduction earlier?”

It seemed like this wannabe British noble couldn’t understand my subtle attempt to put a boundary between us.

Fine, I’ll settle it the noble way.

“…Tsubaki-dono. To tell you the truth, I don’t need you to do anything for me.”

Wait, no, that was the samurai way! Damn it, a certain student council president’s habit was rubbing off on me.

“Really? You truly are a selfless person.”

No, quite the opposite actually. I was a selfish, but introverted pervert.

“Isn’t there anything at all? Like, maybe you are secretly bullied by someone and need a hand? Or maybe you’re being forced to do something against your will and you had enough of it? I can help you with that.”

…I guess there were some people who found themselves in that kind of situation somewhere, huh?

Maybe I could find one if I were to stare at a mirror.

Anyway, I wonder why was she so adamant on this? Wait, couldn’t I just make her answer that question? Alright, here goes noth—

“Tsubaki-chan!”

“You are…? Ah, the girl who asked me a question just now.”

“Yes! My name is Hinata Aoi! Everyone calls me Himawari! Nice to meet you!”

“Hm, you have a nickname just like me. Nice to meet you, Himawari.”

Tch. I was about to ask her, but Himawari just had to butt in at the worst timing.

She’d get mad if I were to interrupt their conversation so I’d keep quiet.

“Tsubaki-chan, what kind of relationship do you have with Joro? You kissed his hand and all!”

Why the hell I had to be careful so you wouldn’t get angry at me, but you were doing whatever you want?!

You even put an effort into that question, with a kissing gesture and all! You knew that you didn’t look cute…no, actually, you looked cute…

Damn it! I hated this but it was true that she looked cute!

“Joro? Ah, so your nickname is Joro, Kisaragi Amatsuyu.”

After giving me a side glance, she returned her gaze to Himawari again.

Oh no…what was she up to now? This was the same girl who took my joke seriously and demanded panties from a coyote without any hesitation.

She’d definitely explain our relationship as a shop owner and customer in a way that everyone would misunderstand…

I wanted to stop her, but I was just a mob. I lacked the ability and position to interfere. Could I really do nothing to stop her, though?

“Yes, that’s right! And I’m his best friend, Oga Taiyou! You can call me Sun-chan!”

Alright! Finally, my hero came to save me!

“Right, Joro?”

He was telling me, ‘Leave it to me!’ with his eyes.

“R-Right, Sun-chan!”

I replied to him through my eyes, ‘Thank you, I’ll leave it to you!’

With this, I should be safe! Tsubaki wouldn’t say anything unnecessary about me, right?

“Sun-chan! She still hasn’t answered my question!”

Bitchy Djokovic pulled out her signature move! The counter attack!

As usual, her endurance was insane! And I hated it!

“E-Eh? M-My bad…g-go ahead then…”

Sun-chan! Don’t give up! Don’t look at me with those sad eyes!

“Ehehe! Then, can you tell me, Tsubaki-chan?”

Oh, I’m finished…

“Last year, our shop was in the red and we were almost in bankruptcy, but one day, Joro came out and bought all the kushikatsu in our shop. That was actually the most profitable day we had ever since we started our shop. Since that day, things had been progressing well thanks to Joro. When he bought out our kushikatsu, he also left us advice on how to sell our kushikatsu. ‘Tasty kushikatsu isn’t enough. You also need to make something that suits your customer-base and put more effort in advertising it so that people would know how tasty your kushikatsu are.’ He said.”

Huh? I thought her answer would surely create misunderstandings, but it wasn’t the case at all?

It was a surprisingly normal answer…? It even gave me a sense of nostalgia…

Also, now that she mentioned it, I remembered saying something like that. Gotta say it was a good idea even though it came out of my mouth.

“And just like what he said, when we made an effort to advertise our product and make it suit our customer-base, more people came to our shop. We went from a food stall to a real shop. We even grew big enough to open up a second shop. Joro also came up with a catchphrase so bad that we ended up never using it, but we’re very grateful to him nonetheless.”

Mhm, I remembered that part too. Especially the part when she just insulted me about my catchphrase right in front of my face.

“Huh, now that you mention it, I only heard of the ‘Yoki Kushikatsu’ last August. So everything is thanks to Joro, huh?”

“Yes. Thanks to him our sales increased and our shop became famous. That’s why I’m still keeping the money he used to pay us back then as a good luck charm. Of course, I submitted most of them to our store’s sale, I only kept some of them with me.”

Huh? Wait…this was actually something that would make my reputation better?

Tsubaki happily pulled out a five yen coin from her pocket. She looked happy.

Honestly, I didn’t remember about the coin at all… I’d just take her words that it used to be mine.

“I never expected that I’d cross paths with him again…hehehe… I don’t believe in God or fate or anything like that, but something like this made me want to believe in them…”

By the way, I didn’t get to give the kushikatsu to Sun-chan. I couldn’t even eat them all by myself either. Instead, I gave them all to the hungry children I found…well, I didn’t need to tell everyone about that.

Why would I go out of my way to lower my reputation when I had the chance to raise it without doing anything?

“Woah, that’s a nice story!”

“Ugh! My eyes are sweating!”

Oh, I didn’t really get it but somehow everyone was touched by the story.

The eavesdroppers seemed to be smiling in satisfaction and it seemed like the bad atmosphere from before had gone away!

“That’s why when I walked into the classroom and saw Joro, I was surprised. I thought that my wish had come true. I was so happy that I couldn’t restrain myself. My father taught me that I should kiss the back of his hand to show him my loyalty, so I did. It was the first time I’ve ever done it, so it was a little embarrassing…”

Countess Tsubaki! No! No! Stop right there!

If you were to act shyly like that—

“Going that far for Joro’s sake…”

“That guy’s luck has been good lately. What should we do? Should we deal with him once and for all?”

My reputation immediately hit rock bottom again!

“That’s how I met Joro. Back then, I didn’t know anything about him except for his name. Our second meeting might be a coincidence, but I believe that it’s ‘fate.’ That’s why I’ll do my best to return this favor to the best of my ability.”

Tsubaki said with an elegant smile, as if showing her determination. She was still clutching the five yen coin in her hands.

She was the one who drove my reputation to rock bottom, but her smile lifted my heart up.

It would be great if she could raise my reputation again, but sadly that would be impossible.

Class would start soon. See, the teacher already entered the classroom.

“Ah, it’s time. See you later then, Joro…”

“Guess I’ll go back to my seat.”

“Me too.”

“O-Okay…”

After confirming that Tsubaki, Himawari, Sun-chan and everyone else who was eavesdropping went back to their seats, I was left alone with my thoughts.

…I see. Tsubaki was showing me her gratitude by making the most out of this coincidence.

Her smile and that five yen coin…this was out of a drama, I swear to God.

Guess it was kinda romantic as well, hahaha. I mean, this kind of thing somehow happened in real life.

Now I understand why she had called it ‘fate.’ Honestly, I began to think the same too…

Still, I treated her harshly just because she acted a little weirdly…

What a bad person I was…so pathetic…

Well, it wasn’t like I could beat myself over it forever. There was an even more important thing to do.

Hm? What was the important thing? Obviously I’d have to apologize to her.

Then, I’d do my best and accept her feelings. I wouldn’t be losing out in this exchange anyway.

I mean, such a beautiful girl was willing to devote herself to me…

At this point, I couldn’t care less about my reputation anymore.

After all, it’d be better to have a handful of friends that I could trust rather than having a lot of friends that I had shallow relationships with.

That was why, you didn’t need to worry, Tsubaki. I wouldn’t be wary of you anymore. Instead, I’d place my trust in you.

…Like hell I would! You thought I’d say something like that?!

This was fucking reality, there was no way things would go that smoothly!

I wouldn’t fall to this kind of sweet trap ever again!

Just think about it! The student who transferred to our class was someone who I had met before and because of this beautiful coincidence she was doing her best to repay the favor she received from me?

That development was something out of a romcom. It made me want to puke!

For all intent and purposes, I was a mob! There was no way that I’d get to enjoy that kind of sweet love story!

Seriously, she should read the title of the series properly before transferring in!

Wouldn’t that title become a fraud if she were to actually have a semblance of romantic interest toward me?!

…What if she had held those feelings since a long time ago? …Well, if that was the case, I guess she couldn’t help it…

B-But I still wouldn’t be fooled! I mean, just look at what had happened to me so far!

My own childhood friend and a certain student council president asked me out on a date, so I took their invitation in hope of somehow getting a score with one of them. But, remember what happened back then?!

I ended up becoming a supporter for their love toward another person instead!

After I got through that drama and tried to enjoy a peaceful life with my friends, what happened?

I got accused of three-timing and turned into the worst scum in the school!

And now you expected me to believe that a sweet development would happen?! No way! Impossible!

There was no way that a romcom-like development would happen to me at this point!

Just wait and see, this Tsubaki girl must have planned something shady in secret!

For example, something like she actually liked Sun-chan or she misunderstood my relationship with other girls! Hell, she might be approaching me to kill me to prevent some kind of disaster in the future!

Too bad for that fake romcom maker, I wouldn’t be fooled!

I wasn’t ‘the kind of highschool guy you could find anywhere!’ I wouldn’t just charge ahead head front into trouble the moment I sensed it!

And so, my set of courses from now on was clear! It was to reveal her true intentions!

I’ll use this class as my prep time!

Since that girl said she wanted to serve me or whatnot, I’ll take advantage of that and conduct various investigations on her! Huff huff!

I’ll make her do various things and try to find out all I want to find out by any means necessary! Huff huff!

Prepare yourself! Huff, huff!

“Joro, you’ve been breathing so loudly for a while now. Are you trying to sniff my panties…? …Gross…”

Shut up, Girl A-san, I didn’t have the slightest interest in your panties, so give it to me later!

Now, with that out of the way, time to cook up a plan! Hng~

The name of the plan would be, ‘Understanding Tsubaki’s True Feelings.’ Hng~

Hehehe, I couldn’t wait to see that smug look on her face to be distorted when I was done with her. Hng~

* * *

As soon as recess started, I started marching toward Tsubaki— Or not, because she already ambushed me before I could even do that. As expected of my Bringer of Misfortune!

“Now, this time, definitely. I’ll return the favor, Joro. Please, tell me your wish.”

HAHAHAHA! THIS WAS IT! What was the saying again? Like a moth to a flame? Well, whatever it was!

Anyway! Time to set my plan into motion! I’ll carry out the plans I’ve been cooking up while we were in class and expose her true nature!

“Alright, why don’t I show you around the school, Tsubaki? Since it’s your first day at school and all~”

“Huh? But, I’m the one who’s supposed to do something for you…”

Hah! That fake kindness wouldn’t work on me!

Don’t you dare underestimate me! Just wait! I’ll tear off that deceptive skin piece by piece!

“Think of it this way, you’re doing something for me for letting me do something for you!”

How was that?! Try to refute that now! Here, I’ll add my nihilistic smile as a bonus!

Not a single girl in this world would turn me down after I went this far!

“Mm, fine if you say so. But, can you not make that kind of face? It’s weird.”

See? What did I say? Anyway, that was the last time I’d ever put on that nihilistic smile.

“Huh, are you going to show Tsubaki-chan around, Joro? I’ll go with you!”

“Well, I don’t think we should go with a large group. I can show her around by myself…”

Himawari, we adults here had business to do, so could you stay here in the classroom?

And don’t even think of coming with us!

“Nooo! It’s unfair! I wanna go too!”

Tch, immediately getting into her spoiled brat mode, huh? If this situation didn’t change, my plan would fail…

I had to get out of this situation quickly, but how?

“Thank you, Himawari, going with Joro alone would be enough for me.”

“If you say so, sure, Tsubaki-chan…but later! Later talk with me a lot, okay?”

Woman, why were you more obedient toward a girl you just met compared to me, your own childhood friend??

Sure, that got me out of this situation, but now I am just pissed off…

“Of course, I can do that.”

“Yaay~”

Whatever. Anyway, I can leave Himawari with another matter.

“By the way, Himawari, Asunaro’s been trying to talk to you about something.”

“Huh, really? Alright, I’ll talk to her then~”

“Ugh—! N-Not bad, Joro…”

Did you think it would be so easy to tail me, you deranged woman from Tsugaru? I could smell everything coming from miles away!

Alright, now that the last obstacle had been removed, time to proceed with the plan! …Or not. There was one more thing…

“Right, Tsubaki, before we start, I have something to warn you about something.”

“What is it?”

“While I’m showing you around the school, if you were to see a bench, don’t sit on it.”

“Huh? A bench…? But why?”

My abrupt remark made her unilaterally drop her expressionless look, and she stared at me blankly. Ugh, she looked so cute… fuck…

But, no matter how cute the face she made, I couldn’t compromise on this!

Just remember how much suffering I had to suffer through because of that thing—! All the past incidents, without exceptions, it was always there!

At the park, in the library, schoolyard, rooftop—! That thing always followed me everywhere!

The school ground was the perfect hunting ground for it. It could move around wherever it pleased!

If this girl were to sit down on it, all my efforts would be for naught!

“I don’t know why, but whenever I sit down on the bench with a girl, after that I’d be dragged down into the depths of misery, so please don’t sit down on it, under any circumstances. If you had no chance but to sit down, please don’t tell me to sit down with you. And lastly, don’t touch my hair!”

“G-Got it…”

She seemed to be taken aback by my sudden and passionate speech, but at least she seemed to understand what I was trying to say.

Phew…that should be enough to fulfill one of the four guidelines; ‘Avoid sitting with Yoki as much as possible’.

Since I got one guideline nailed down, the other ones should be easy to fulfill too. I hope…

Like, it should be fine as long as I could get Tsubaki to cooperate with me, especially in making sure Pansy— ‘Bzzt!’

…Hmmmm~? My phone’s buzzing~? I wonder what was up~?

[Tell me about it after school. In detail.]

[Yes, Ma’am.]

How the hell did she find out about it already?!

“Ah, by the way, Joro, I’ll be taking Tsubaki-chan to the library with me on lunch break! I’ve notified Pansy-chan and Cosmos-san about it, so you don’t need to worry about that!”

SO IT WAS YOU—!!

“Joro, aren’t you going to show me around?”

Grr…I really wanted to unleash everything on Himawari right now, but it wasn’t the time…! Calm down, me—!

“Right. Sorry to keep you waiting.”

“No need to be sorry. I’m good at waiting.”

Again with your fake kindness! I told you that you’d never fool me with that!

* * *

“Joro, your uniform has a button loose.”

The moment we left the classroom and went down the hallway, Tsubaki immediately started her attack.

At first, she glanced at me, then she leaned in closer to me before taking care of the loose button she just mentioned. The atmosphere between us turned lukewarm.

There was a soft mint-scent coming from her, but I would never yield to this weak stimulation!

“Mhm, that should take care of it…anyway, where are we going?”

“Well, I’m planning to show you around the cafeteria first, then I’ll show you how to order the food and stuff…”

“Okay, please go ahead then. Thank you in advance.”

Huh? That was a surprisingly decent response? She didn’t forget to say thank you even…

Wait, I shouldn’t be fooled! There were no decent girls at this school and she shouldn’t be an exception to that!

“Joro, can I ask you something?”

“What’s up?”

Hm? Were you asking what kind of girls I like? Obviously girls with big tits.

“Your tone is different from back when we first spoke to each other last year. Why is that?”

Okay, I didn’t expect her to ask the type of girl question, but this was the one question I didn’t want her to ask!

Well, she asked for it. It’d deduct some points away, but whatever, I’d just tell her about everything honestly.

“Actually, that was just me acting like some goody two shoes. I stopped doing it last year— No, last April, actually.”

“Why did you fake it?”

“Because I thought I’d be popular if I were to act like that compared to my true self. I mean, can’t you see? I just spit out whatever I’m thinking now.”

Somehow, it felt like I was confessing that I had done something wrong. It was a strange feeling…

“…Sorry, it seems like that’s the wrong question to ask. But, I understand you better now!”

Seriously, this girl… She was still faking her kindness even after this far, huh?

Tsk tsk tsk, too bad this much would never work on me! This half-hearted, amateurish act of kindness would never get through me!

Let me tell you something, Girl! Every single day! That natural bitch Himawari had been doing the same thing to me!

If you wanted to talk shit about devoting yourself to me, then you had to at least act like a bitch!

I’ll give you an example. Say it was Himawari who was in this situation instead of you. The moment we left the classroom, she’d pull my arm like a bit— no, I meant, she’d pull my arm tightly while screaming, ‘Joro~! Bring me to the cafeteria~!’

This was the most basic of the basics! If you wanted to devote yourself to me, you’d have to at least do something like that first!

What if you couldn’t do that? Then, your wish would remain a dream— Huh? For some reason on this wall, there was a sign? They applied some wax coating…?

“Whoops, it seems like they had just applied some fresh wax here. I don’t want you to fall over, Joro, sorry in advance.”

N-No way…T-Tsubaki-chan actually…embraced my arm and guided me gracefully…

Dude, this felt amazing! How could girls’ bodies feel so soft?!

“M-Mmph–!”

Banzai! Hail the random wax!

“Ahahaha…this is the second time I’ve ever done this, b-but it still feels embarrassing…”

Y-You idiot! T-Trying to nail a bitch and a pure character at the same time?!

B-But, maybe she was a natural? I-If that was the case, how was that even possible?! The two traits were total opposites, you shouldn’t be able to combine them both!

Amazing! Not only did I get the touchy-touch, she was also acting bashfully!

T-This girl was dangerous. To be able to utilize Himawari’s high level technique with such ease…I couldn’t underestimate her—!

But, this wouldn’t be enough to win me over! She’d need to do more than just embracing my arm!

At least do it tighter! Or hug the other parts of my body too! Let me feel you up even more! DEHAHAHAHAHA!

* * *

“Here’s the cafeteria, and you can order there.”

When we arrived at the cafeteria, I showed Tsubaki around while thoroughly enjoying her ‘touch’.

There were times when I lost my balance, and each time, she’d embrace me even tighter.

“I see. So I assume that this place will get crowded during lunch break?”

“Yeah. The counter especially, will be so crowded that you can’t even do anything there. Those guys from sports clubs would be all over the place, so it’ll literally become a battlefield there. Sun-chan is one of them, as he’s literally the ace of the baseball club, so he can actually buy something, but I’m just a normal guy, no way I can join that hellhole. I’m not saying I’m bad at sports though, I’m just not good at it.”

“Is there anything you’re good at, Joro?”

“…No.”

As someone who was walking the path of a mob, there was no way I’d have something I was good at.

“I see. Then, why don’t you try looking for something that you can be good at?”

“One day, maybe.”

Ugh! This girl gave me proper advice?! What a detestable girl!

“By the way, if you want to get something from the cafeteria, you can just tell me, Joro. I’ll get it for you.”

“…Sure.”

Okay, that one was out of line!

Hey, hey, Tsubaki-san! Just because you were better than Himawari didn’t mean you were allowed get ahead of yourself!

Let me tell you something, there was a girl who was as good as Himawari in this school! Hell, she might be even better than her!

Attractive face and body! Accomplished both physically and intellectually! Perfect manners! She was the embodiment of those three! Our dear Student Council President, Cosmos!

She was an amazing girl! Whenever we had lunch together, she’d make something delicious and share it among all of us! Seriously, her food never missed!

Sure, she was clumsy in literally everything, but when it came to cooking, she was completely unparalleled!

Anyway, what I was trying to say was, what she should have said back then wasn’t ‘I’ll buy it for you,’ but ‘I’ll cook it for you’! There you go, checkmate!

A girl who couldn’t cook wasn’t a real girl at all!

Since that was the case, even her status as a girl became questionable! I knew it, this girl—

“Ah, of course if you don’t want anything from the cafeteria, I can always share my lunch with you.”

“…Huh?”

“Actually, I brought it with me. Here, taste some of my kushikatsu. Aah~”

Ahh~ Okay, this girl was the real deal. I retract my suspicion of her.

“Oh, wait, it’s still hot, isn’t it? I’ll cool it down… Fuu…”

She did the ‘fuu’ so naturally—!

Tsubaki suddenly took out a steaming kushikatsu and stuffed it into my mouth,

SHOO GOOOD! This tasted like something they’d sell in stores— Wait, her parents owned a kushikatsu shop!

Cosmos’ cooking might be good, but I had to eat the food myself. Meanwhile, with Tsubaki, not only was her cooking good, she also fed me with it!

I never thought she’d be able to surpass our dear Student Council President so easily…

From now on, if I were to forget to bring my lunch, I’d ask Tsubaki to feed me instead! UHIHIHIHI!

* * *

“That’s all for now. You can ask me if there’s another place you’re interested in.”

“Mm, I don’t think there’s any for now, but I’ll ask you if I’m interested in something later.”

Since it was about time for our next class to start, we were on our way back to class. D-Damn it! In the end, I couldn’t get this girl to show me her true self!

It was as if she was actually sincere! She showered me with all that goodwill without actually asking for anything in return!

Not only that, she even managed to effortlessly surpass both Cosmos and Himawari in the things that they were good at!

It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that she was the perfect heroine! Well, not really, because her chest was pitifully small, but still—!

“Ah…”

At that moment, a student notebook fell down from the chest pocket of the innocent bitch who had been embracing my arm the whole time.

Since it fell down in my direction, I might as well— Huh? There was a picture there.

Woah, who the hell was this dynamite lady? Could you introduce me to her?

“D-Did you see that? T-That was my mom back when she was still in college…I-I don’t look like her at all, do I?”

What?! This was HER MOTHER? Dude, she really got fucked over by the DNA gacha!

“A-Apparently, her chest started to get bigger after she graduated from high school…”

Putting aside the matter of why the hell did she have her mom’s picture on her handbook, DUDE, THAT WAS QUITE THE REVELATION! That meant, when Tsubaki graduated from high school, she’d be—! Yes, she was the perfect heroine for sure!

“T-Tsubaki…”

“Yes?”

I swallowed my saliva, trying to calm down my heartbeat. At the same time, I put my hand on my pocket.

After all these revelations, there was no doubt that Tsubaki was the most perfect heroine so far, but…there was this one thing…one single thing that I managed to recognize in the short period of time we’ve been talking to each other.

But would it be possible? It was extremely unlikely, but…

“Please accept this.”

I took out a piece of paper from my pocket and handed it over to her. My hands were pathetically trembling as I did so.

“…This is?”

“Mhm.”

She looked at me doubtfully. Was she really that surprised after seeing what was written on that paper? That meant it was indeed impossible.

Well, that was it, I guess. It was unfortunate, but what could I do, anyway? I was too greedy…

“Sure…”

Oui? Really?! …Ohh!! I could see her cheeks reddened as she said that. She moved both her hands to her head, mimicking bunny ears, and—!

“Mastaa~ What kind of game are we going to play today, pyon~?”

YAHOOO! THERE IT WAS, ONE OF MY BEST COLLECTIONS, ‘BUNNY MAID UHEHEHE YUGI-KAI!’

“D-Did I do it correctly…?”

“P-Perfect! I’ll be in your care from now on, Tsubaki!”

“Mm. Likewise…? Hehe…”

I mean, she went this far, so it couldn’t be helped, right~?

Like, it should be fine for me to pretend that I fell for her trap, right~?

If I’d end up going to hell either way, I might as well enjoy the process, right~?

There was also a saying about it, desperate situations call for something. Whatever it was, I agreed with that saying!

Yeah, I definitely wasn’t enjoying this, so don’t misunderstand, okay? MUHYOHYOHYOHYO!

* * *

As soon as lunch break started, I started marching toward Tsubaki— Or not, because she already ambushed me before I could even do that. As expected of the angel who brought me happiness!

“So do you bring your own lunch, Joro? If not, you can eat mine again, or maybe you prefer the meals from the cafeteria instead? I can order the meals for you.”

Her kindness was truly genuine! Before anything else, she checked up on me to see if I brought my own lunch or not. Only after that did she offer me her own lunch! If she had an ulterior motive, she wouldn’t check up on me first!

“No, I brought my own lunch, thank you for your concern though.”

“I see. Then, do you want to eat together with me?”

Oh, jeez~ If you gave me that kind of worried look, my upper mouth would stretch out, you know~?

“…Eww!”

Huh? My elation went too far and it seemed like I started hearing auditory hallucination.

No good. Alright, after I fixed my upper mouth, I should leave the classroom as soon as possible!

“Of course. I’ll be eating in the library, so you can come with me, Tsubaki.”

How was that? A perfect response! I even threw out a refreshing smile as a bonus!

Not a single girl in this world would turn me down after I went this far!

“Okay, got it, but, can you stop making that kind of face?”

See? What did I say? She didn’t reject me! Anyway, that was the last time I’d ever put on that refreshing smile.

Anyway, while I was investigating what she really was up to, I might as well indulge myself in the Tsubaki Train to my heart’s content!

Thankfully, I was a mob. Imagine if I were a romcom MC, you know, those guys who’d vehemently reject any kinds of advances from the transfer students for no reason? Yeah, I knew right? Those guys were really out of their minds, dude!

If it was me, I’d accept their love and pamper them back with all my heart~!

I’d do this and that, then go further and to that and this, and when the time came, I’d definitely do that!

“Joro, Tsubaki-chan! Food! Quickly!”

Resting a racket case on her shoulder, Himawari pushed and urged me to move forward. Her face was plastered with the same cute smile she had always shown me.

Her head was bobbing up and down, as if asking to be petted. But I wouldn’t take that bait no matter what!

“Right. No point in dawdling here anyway, let’s go quickly.”

Well, I agreed with Himawari though, we should get going.

Girl A and her merry clique had been eyeing me for a while now. It would be ideal for me to make a tactical escape as soon as possible.

With that, I casually slipped out of the classroom.

“Alright, let’s go to the library!”

As soon as I stepped out of the classroom, the overly eager Himawari immediately grabbed my right hand.

“I’ll hold your hand so you won’t fall down, Joro…it still feels embarrassing though…”

She was being all fidgety, but Tsubaki still held my lunch for me, along with my left hand!

Hm? A man shouldn’t let a woman carry his luggage?

Look dude, I was an advocate of gender equality! We really should leave that outdated gender role bullshit behind!

Himawari on my right, Tsubaki on my left. With the two bitc– beauties surrounding me, I walked down the hallway, completely indulging myself in the situation!

This was it! This was the thing that I’ve been dreaming of!

The completion of my harem! Now, onwards! To the library!

* * *

“Alright, let’s go in.”

Since both my hands were full, Tsubaki opened the door for all of us.

It was her first time here, but she seemed to be familiar with the place. Impressive.

Ah, it seemed like Cosmos was already here. She was talking with Pansy at the reception desk.

“Hello, Joro-kun, Himawari…and I assume you’re the transfer student?”

The braided glasses girl, Pansy, called out to us calmly from the reception desk.

I thought she’d insult me again after seeing what was going on.

“Yoki Chiharu. You can call me Tsubaki. Nice to meet you.”

“I see. My name is Sanshokuin Sumireko. Some people call me Pansy, but you can call me whatever you like. By the way…why are you two holding Joro’s hand?”

Ugh! I thought I’d be safe this time, but I was too naive!

“Because it’s fun~!”

“I’m holding him so that he won’t fall.”

However, the iron-clad combination of the two managed to deflect Pansy’s attack!

Heh, I already knew that you were only harsh on me, Pansy! You wouldn’t treat everyone else roughly! That was in your nature!

“Is this fun to you too, Joro-kun?”

“…Well, it isn’t boring, I guess.”

“I see. It’s all good then.”

I was scared for a moment there, but everything turned out fine!

She didn’t make any more fuss, stood up and made her way to the reading area.

Alright, we should also—

“U-Um, Joro-kun…w-what’s the deal with…that…?”

Jeez. Just when I thought that I was free from Pansy, Cosmos came in next.

She looked flustered as she glanced towards both my sides before settling her gaze on Tsubaki.

“Y-You two are getting along really well, huh…?”

Huh? For some reason, Cosmos looked sad. Did she get in a strange mood again?

…You thought I’d say that!

Of course I knew the reason why! Well, not really since this was pure speculation, but I was 90% sure that I was right!

You know, back at the Hyakka Festival, under the cover of darkness, Cosmos daringly gave me a nice reward! The so-called ‘kiss on the cheek’! She gave it to none other than yours truly!

Try to use your common sense! Would she be doing that to a mere male friend?

But, the reason why I wasn’t 100% sure was because she never brought the topic up ever again since then.

Even on the second day of the Hyakka Festival, and during the after party that all five of us attended, she didn’t bring it up. She was all fidgety and stuff, but that was it, nothing special happened.

If I were to point it out and I got it completely wrong, I’d be screwing myself up. Besides, she definitely had her own plan, so I decided to let her go on with whatever it was.

And that was how we maintained the status quo since then. As a mob, that was just how it was, I’d chicken out on an important matter like this.

“It feels lonely…”

Alright, if I was a generic romcom MC, there were two paths that I could take. If I didn’t know what was going on, I could keep my mouth shut. Or, if I actually knew what was going on, and was trying to get out of the situation, I just needed to give her a vague answer. But, I was not a generic romcom MC! I was a Mob Variable Player! An MVP⁷Most Valuable Player, Mob Variable Player, sounds similar.! And an MVP would give in to their desires, that was in our nature!

You see, my position in class was like a desert, dry and deserted!

Even so, there was an oasis filled with sunflowers and camellias⁸Camellia=Tsubaki, Sunflower=Himawari., but that wasn’t enough!

You see, while an oasis could quench your thirst, it couldn’t satisfy your hunger!

That made Cosmos’ big fruits’ existence all the more essential!

Humans were greedy by nature, so I’d follow my primal nature faithfully and bring Cosmos to my harem!

Alright, Joro-san! It was time for you to pick out a perfect response for Cosmos’ predicaments—!

“Himawari is just being Himawari, while Tsubaki is holding my hand so that I won’t fall. Anyway, Tsubaki, this is our student council president, Akino Sakura-san. U-Um…as you can see, she’s pretty. She’s also smart and very dependable…”

I stared right at Cosmos’ eyes as I said that. It was to show my sincerity and manliness to her! To appeal to her that I was being truthful and my words were all facts!

Of course, at one point I also glanced at Tsubaki while feigning embarrassment as I complimented Cosmos.

What happened next? Don’t rush me! You’ll know soon enough!

“W-Why are you introducing me like that?! I-It’s embarrassing! A-Anyway, Tsubaki…san…right? I’m Akino Sakura, a third year, nice to meet you. You can call me Cosmos like what everyone does.”

“Nice to meet you too, Cosmos-san. My name is Yoki Chiharu. You can call me Tsubaki.”

Just like that, they completed their introductions and Cosmos’ mood considerably improved!

What do you think? Such was the power of MVP!

Hahaha! Victory would come into my embrace soon! No, actually, I had already won! I finally completed my harem!

In other words…it was finally starting!

My dream! My dream of getting to do this and that with the girls I’ve been— No, with the girls everyone has been trying to get!

Seriously, I was on a roll! It was to the point that I suspected something bad would slap me in the face— No, don’t think about it. If I think about it too much, it would actually happen. I needed to avoid such a clear red flag.

For now, I’ll have as much fun as I wanted during this lunch break!

“I hath arriveth! My seat~!”

After Tsubaki and Cosmos finished their introductions and all of us went to the reading area, Himawari let go of my hand and went to the right seat further in the back. That was her usual spot.

“Where should I sit, Joro?”

“Why don’t you sit beside Cosmos?”

“Got it.”

I told Tsubaki to sit to Cosmos’ right. For your information, Cosmos sat at the center, in the same row as Himawari.

Honestly, I wanted Tsubaki to sit next to me, but Pansy was already sitting on my right side. My left side was Sun-chan’s spot, he just wasn’t here yet because he was still in the cafeteria.

Of course, if possible, I’d kick this braided glasses next to me, but that would spell my certain death.

So, I had no choice but to deal with it while waiting for Sun-chan to arrive.

“Hm? Himawari-san, why are you carrying your racket today?”

Ah, I was curious about that too. Nice one, Cosmos.

“Hehehe~ The Inter-High Qualifier is coming up soon, so I’m bringing this around so I can practice whenever I want!”

“Please don’t do it in the library, Himawari. You’ll damage the books.”

“I know that much, Pansy-chan! Besides, I won’t get any good training done with this racket anyway! It’s old! I’ll get a new one soon, I’ve been saving my allowance for this!”

“You said the qualifier is coming up soon? So that means you’ll be busy with practice from now on, Himawari?”

“Yes, Tsubaki-chan! They’ll start our morning practice tomorrow, so we won’t only be practicing after school! From seven to eight! Morning practice~!”

Saying that, Himawari took out a worn-out looking, yet well-maintained racket from its case.

I remembered that this racket was pretty expensive. She spent most of her allowance just to buy this back when she was in middle school.

Looking at it like this, it was clear how much work she had been putting in since she first bought it. My eyes couldn’t help but be drawn to the worn-out racket.

“Hm? What’s wrong, Joro? Why are you looking at my racket like that?”

“Nothing. Just surprised that someone who’d spend all her money the moment she gets them is saying that she’ll save her money for something…”

“Jeez! I can save my money if I want to! It’s hard, but I can!”

I knew that. In truth, Himawari was someone who was very disciplined. If she had a goal, she’d do her best to reach it. Honestly, it was to the point that I felt envious of her.

As a mob, it was my obligation to envy someone who had something, that was how it worked.

“Heyo! Sorry to keep you waiting, but I’m here now! Won another big war today! Look at this nice lunch that I got!”

Oh, finally, Sun-chan came. He was waving around a bread in his hand, guess that was the proof of his struggle throughout the battlefield today.

He was grinning with pride, seemingly proud of his achievements.

“Oh, Tsubaki is here too? My bad! Sorry to keep you waiting!”

He plopped down right next to me without any hesitation and called out to Tsubaki who sat right across from him with a big smile on his face.

This was his way of being considerate to her, since she came here for the first time and all, so that she wouldn’t feel left out.

“Mm, no need to be sorry. I just got here too.”

“Haha, I see! That makes the two of us, then!”

Ugh, as expected of the ace of the baseball club! He came up with such a cool line so naturally!

Wait, since I was his best friend, that meant I’d have to do the same as him to keep up with him, no? If not, everyone would just stick to him…

“Everyone has things that they’re good at, Joro-kun, including you. You’re persistent, just like a dirt-stain on a white shirt.”

Look at this girl, not only did she read my mind, she also spouted that kind of venom at me.

Anyway, forget about her! My harem was finally completed! Now it was time for me to enjoy it~!

* * *

“Do you want some of my kushikatsu, Joro? It’s still warm, and it’s tasty.”

“Joro-kun, do you want to take some of my sandwiches?”

“Thank you for the meal, Tsubaki, Prez.”

“Alright, here, ahn~”

“W-Wha?! M-Me too! A-Ahn~”

Hngg~! This was happiness! My tongue just melted~!

Now I understood why rich people hired maids.

You could get pampered as much as you want ! Alright, new goal for the future. Hire a maid!

“By the way, Cosmos-san, the third-years are about to decide on their career path, right? Have you decided on which university you want to go to?”

“Me? Hmm, yes, I have. Due to my family’s circumstances, I chose a medical school.”

Now that we were talking about it…female doctors sounded pretty hot, didn’t they?

They should be up there on the chart, alongside fashion models.

“Huh? Does your family own a hospital or something, Cosmos-san?”

“Well, you can say that…my father is the head of a hospital…”

Not bad, Cosmos! Glad to know that one of my harem members was rich!

“Your family must be rich then, Cosmos-san! Do you have a private villa for vacation?”

“It’s a little embarrassing to say it out loud, but…yes, we do…a mountain villa…”

Aww, that meant they didn’t have a private beach then. A mountain villa wouldn’t be useful in summer vacations!

“Wow! You’re amazing, Cosmos-san!”

“Um, not really…my parents are the amazing ones here, not me…”

Hm? For some reason her expression seemed darker than usual. Did she hate talking about her family?

“By the way, I’m aiming to be a pro baseball player! I love baseball!’

As expected of Sun-chan. He immediately noticed the change in Cosmos’ mood and switched the topic of the conversation.

That aside, a doctor and a pro baseball player, huh…? Those two were pretty common dreams, but at the same time, they were among the hardest to achieve…

It would be impossible for me to become either. Well, I wouldn’t want to become either in the first place anyway…

“What about you, Joro?”

“Me? Well, for now, I want a maid— No, I don’t particularly have any goals.”

Woah, woah, woah, that was so close! I almost blurted that nonsensical dream of mine out!

“What about you, Tsubaki? Are you going to inherit your parents’ business?”

“Mhm. I enjoy making kushikatsu, so I might as well follow in my father’s footsteps.”

“…I see.”

By the way, Himawari didn’t have any goals in particular, but for now she said that she was going to focus on playing tennis.

Cosmos, Sun-chan and Tsubaki, all had a clear dream they were trying to achieve.

As for me, I just wanted to hire a maid.

Compared to them, I was a total trash, wasn’t I?

…Wait, there was still one person in the room who still hadn’t said anything yet…

“What about you, Pan—”

“A devoted wife ♡”

A devoted wife indeed 💀

* * *

After we were done with our lunch, Pansy served all six of us a cup of tea, alongside some chocolate cookies that she pulled out from her drawstring pouch. Yes, you heard me correctly. All six of us were served a cup of tea. Even Tsubaki got a cup, even though she had just transferred in today.

How many cups did she even have? Where did she store them even…?

“Mm~! Pansy-chan’s cookies are as tasty as always, right, Sun-chan?”

“Yeah! I swear, her cookies are the tastiest cookies I’ve ever eaten in my life!”

Seeing Sun-chan eating Pansy’s cookies heartily like this made me feel relieved.

Prior to this, he had always been restraining himself from eating them, but I could tell that he really wanted to eat those cookies so badly.

“Hm? What’s up, Joro? You want some of these?”

“A-Ah, yeah sure, lemme eat some…”

I grabbed one of the cookies and put it inside my mouth. Yeah, these were annoyingly tasty, like usual…

“How was it, Joro-kun? Was it tasty?”

“…Yeah, it was.”

“Glad that you think so. That means all the efforts I put into making these cookies for you are worth it.”

“You don’t need to put in so much effort for me. Take care of yourself better.”

“Oh, I only did it after I took care of myself. Seriously, you don’t know me at all, hm, Joro-kun?”

This girl was actually a beauty. She really should just focus on herself instead of doing whatever she was doing for me…

Her problematic personality aside, unlike me, she was smart, her cookies were delicious, and like I said, she was pretty. Like, really, really pretty. She hit all the checkmarks to be popular.

Well, she probably had a reason for lying low like this, but still…it felt such a waste when I thought about it…

“…Hm?”

That was when I noticed that Tsubaki had been giving me quite the intense stare.

What was up with her? Hm…could it be that she couldn’t restrain the urge to ‘serve’ me again?

Well, it couldn’t be helped then~ If that was what she wanted, who was I to reject her~?

“What’s wrong, Tsubaki?”

“Mm, I’ve decided…I think.”

I see! So you’ve decided, huh? Good job, good job…okay, you decided on what, exactly?

“Pansy, Himawari, Cosmos-san.”

Suddenly, she stood up and addressed the three of them in a respectful manner.

“What is it?”

“Waddup~?”

“Is something the matter, Tsubaki-san?”

Not only those three, even Sun-chan and I were staring at her with a confused look.

But Tsubaki looked unfazed, as she took a deep breath.

“I challenge you three for a showdown. The prize will be Joro!”

Uh…what? What was she even on about, and why did she look so smug about it?

“You are…” “Challenging us…?” “The prize is Joro…?”

Good job, Pamamos⁹PAnsy, HiMAwari, CosMOS.! You connected each others’ words well!

“Mhm! After spending the whole day with him, I realized that I’ll be enough to take care of him! He doesn’t need all of you to take care of his needs! That’s why so that it would be fair to everyone, I challenge you all to a showdown!”

Sorry! I didn’t get what the hell were you trying to say!

“Tsubaki, what did you—”

“Stop talking, Joro!”

“Y-Yes, Ma’am!”

Girls were so scary!

“Anyway! If I win, you three won’t be allowed to get near Joro again, and I’ll be the only one who takes care of him! I’d appreciate it if you just calmly back down, though!”

“Hehehe, now that’s an interesting one! I won’t give up my right to stand next to Joro that easily, though!”

Wait, Sun-chan, she didn’t challenge you! Why were you the one who got fired up?!

Right, come to think of it, this guy loved to compete for the most random things! He was this kind of a person!

“So, what will the showdown be about, Tsubaki? Cricket? Table ten—”

“You too, stop talking, Sun-chan!”

“Y-Yes, Ma’am…”

Girls were so scary, weren’t they, Sun-chan?

Hm? Tsubaki pulled out a skewer out of nowhere and pointed it at the three girls, as if it was a rapier or something. I knew this one! It was a British-ish style of challenging someone!

“We’ll compete in ‘Who can please Joro the most’! The showdown will start tomorrow morning! I’ll show you three that I’m the most worthy person to serve Joro!”

What kind of showdown was that even?! Was that even worth fighting for?!

…Wait…judging by the theme of the showdown…wasn’t this like a reward event for me?

This was the kind of thing that would give me power-up if it was a harem game!

“Yoki-san, can I ask something? What will the winner get?”

“You can do whatever you want to Joro! Boil him or whatever, anything you want!’

Wait, wait! Didn’t you need my permission for something like that?!

“I can do…” “…Whatever I want…” “…To Joro-kun…?”

You three got along so well, didn’t you? Look at you, connecting each others’ words perfectly!

“I’ll do it.” “Count me in!” “M-Me too!”

Those three looked so spirited for some reason…and they said that they’d compete…what…?

Wait, did that mean…

Between those three…whoever won the showdown or whatever…I’d have to listen to all their words…?

What the hell?! I had a bad feeling about this! It wouldn’t be me who could get whatever I wanted, but them who could get whatever they wanted from me!

“Joro, if I win, I’ll tell them to not get close to you anymore.”

That meant I wouldn’t get to experience Himawari’s bitch like behavior and Cosmos’ lunch ever again!

Were you telling me that I’d have to sacrifice my happiness for your shenanigans?!

No! I wouldn’t let Tsubaki win! That would spell the end of my harem!

“U-Um…s-sorry to ask you this, Tsubaki, b-but…do you, probably have some kind of romantic feelings towards me…?”

“No, of course not. Just like how there’s no way anyone would have that kind of feeling towards me, who doesn’t even look like a girl, or a boy, there’s no way anyone would have that kind of feeling towards you, a guy who has no hopes and dreams.”

So, you were saying that you wanted to please me with that kind of thing in your mind?!

Also, have some confidence in yourself, you were cute! And when you had enough, give me some!

“Joro, Joro! I can’t go to school with you in the morning, because I’ll have morning practice, but if I win, I’ll make you get up early in the morning so you can go to morning practice with me!”

Early bird didn’t get the worm! This girl was planning to kill me!

There was no way I could keep up with you, you dingus! Our morning run had already cut my lifespan in half!

This Himawari route would just make me die of overworking!

“Um…also, we’ll run together! Picking up the balls together! Practice swings together and…ah, right! As an extra, what about we do 500 pushups?”

Why the hell did the extra involve much more work than the main course?! It was like those voting tickets that they slipped in inside idol CDs! Those were too expensive for a voting ticket!

“J-Joro-kun, f-for your future, I think it’ll be good for you if you were to continue your education at a good university! S-So, can I recommend you to go to the same university as mine…? D-Don’t worry! If I win, I’ll spare my time to study with you and teach you everything you need to know!”

She wanted me to study to my death! This girl was also planning to kill me!

And this whole study time thing would definitely continue until even after I got into that university! Scary! Too scary!

This Cosmos route would just kill me mentally!

“A-Anyway, I should think about what I’d need to teach you while we’re at it!”

Put away your Note! I could see you write ‘study for 23 hours a day’ on the first line!

“You don’t need to look so worried, Joro. These are the only things that I’ll ask of you if I win.”

As for Pansy, she took out a piece of paper out of nowhere and handed it over to me.

What was this…? ‘Things that I want Joro-kun to do’?

[1: Refer to Sanshokuin Sumireko as ‘Sumireko’.]

[2: Whenever he’s in the library with me, he has to hold my hand, and both of us have to say sweet words to each other at least once a day.]

[3: Must do a phone call between 9 to 10 pm (can be substituted by meeting directly at the listed time instead).]

[4: Go on dates at least eight times a week.]

Did she not know that there were only seven days in a week?! How the hell were we supposed to go on a date eight times?!

This Pansy route would just be a social restraint for me! Also, when the hell did she prepare this thing?!

“Suddenly, I feel motivated.”

Out of nowhere, she suddenly pulled out Dazai Osamu’s ‘Women’s Duel’. She looked more enthusiastic than usual too…

Also, didn’t everyone die in that book…?

“U-Um…y-you all don’t need to do something like this for me, you know…?”

I knew that even if I were to say that, they wouldn’t listen to me at all.

Just a while ago, I thought that I’d finally get to have a fun harem, but that felt like a fleeting dream now.

Before I knew it, my harem had collapsed, and the members of my hare (and one weirdo), were glaring at each other, sparks flying from their eyes. Seriously, were they trying to win the Akutagawa Prize¹⁰Akutagawa Prize is a biannually award for aspiring new writers. Not LN writers, actual writers. or something?

“As for how we’ll decide the winner, I’ll say that Joro will decide that! Tomorrow, after our showdown is over, Joro will choose which among us that he wants to be with the most! Well, I already know that he’ll pick me.”

Wouldn’t it be better if I’d just decide that now? Like, you guys wouldn’t do this whole showdown thing that way, no? …Nah, I’d never get to them even if I said that out loud.

Just look at them, they were really hyped up for this…

““““It’s on, then! The prize of our showdown is Joro(-kun)!””””

Where did I screw up? This world was so fucked up…

* * *

NOW, we go back to the prologue!

It was after school, and we were in the library.

“Well, that was the gist of it— Wait, you were there with me! Why the hell did you make me explain all those shit again?!”

“I was with you, yes.”

Until now, I had been explaining everything that had happened today to Pansy.

By the way, we were the only people here at the moment.

Sun-chan and Himawari had club activities to attend, Cosmos was doing student council stuff, while Tsubaki had to help her parents to open up their shop. Everyone was busy with their things except for us.

“Ugh—! Tch!”

When I took a sip of my tea, a sharp pain struck my left cheek. Damn you, Beeta-kun…

He was the quieter one of the two, but his punch still hurts…as expected of a member of the rugby club, I guess…

“To summarize, despite having confidence that was inversely proportional to your appearance, you thought that Yoki-san liked you romantically, blindly accepted her kind gesture, and stupidly dragged the rest of us into that farce.”

Since my self-confidence was lower than the earth’s core itself, I’d take it that she found me incredibly attractive.

And here I thought that venom was the only thing that could come out of her mouth.

“What do you mean farce?! This is a matter of life and death to me! Besides, you willingly joined the thing!”

“A matter of life and death? If you really think so, I’d advise you to take a step back and look at it from a different perspective.”

“What?”

“Think about it, in this scenario, four girls are trying their best to gain the attention of a single boy. If anything, this situation only benefits you. In normal circumstances, I would never even think of joining this farce.”

“Benefits me?? No! C’mon, anyone who wins will have complete control over me! It won’t benefit me in any way!”

“That’s correct, at a first glance, this whole thing doesn’t benefit you indeed. But Joro-kun, you already know that there is a way for you to benefit the most out of everyone, don’t you?”

“…What? What are you even—”

“A ‘draw’. As long as you make the outcome of the match ambiguous, you can do whatever you want.”

“Ugh—!”

Oh, whoops, I got caught I guess.

“I knew it.”

Still, I didn’t expect that she could figure out my end goal that easily…

“When you didn’t take a step forward to stop the thing even after hearing Yoki-san’s condition if she were to win, I figured that you already had something in your mind. After all, you’ve worked hard to gain this ‘precious bond with everyone’, there’s no way that you’d let her destroy such a bond easily.”

“T-That’s…”

“But, at the same time, you can’t just let Yoki-san lose just like that. Because you don’t need to give her a ‘clear answer’. And that’s why you didn’t stop her. Rather, you couldn’t stop her at that point.”

“…’Clear answer’, huh?”

I would say ‘oh whoops, I got caught’ again here, but nah, not now.

“Yes. Didn’t you get a nice ‘reward’ back at the Kabuten, Joro-kun?”

Oh whoops, I got caught. She knew everything, jeez.

“…How the hell did you know that?”

“The person themselves told me that during the lunch break. In fact, they even declared a war against me. ‘This time, I’ll do my best, with all my strength. I won’t lose!’ they said. By the way, they told me that it’s okay if I were to tell you this, so you don’t need to worry about that, at least.”

“I see.”

So that was what they were talking about, in the reception desk, huh?

Still, as expected of ‘her’, I guess. She even went out of her way to tell Pansy about this.

And considering that the rest of the group either came with me or after me, that meant she hadn’t told anyone else yet…

“Still, how thoughtful of you, getting Yoki-san to clearly express her feelings like that. Even though you didn’t need to. Anyone with functioning eyes could see that her feelings toward you were only ‘gratitude’ and nothing more.”

“Shut it.”

I was actually hoping that she might see me that way, you know?! Just a little, though!

Despite being like this, I was still a guy, okay?! Let me dream once in a while!

“I know that Yoki-san and Himawari’s existence are convenient for you right now. After all, you can justify all their goodwill toward you as their ways of showing their ‘gratitude’ and ‘friendship’ respectively.”

So that was why she was so quiet during the lunch break! She had been figuring out this thing!

Seriously, I didn’t expect that she was able to read me to that extent…! This girl really was the most troublesome of all of them!

“That’s how you’ve been avoiding everything so far. Justifying their actions under the guise of something else, not refusing their goodwill because you don’t want to hurt anyone. But, I’ll tell you straight, that isn’t kindness, you’re just running away from your responsibilities.”

“…If you knew that much, then why did you even try to participate in that showdown or whatever at all?”

“Because, essentially, Yoki-san’s goal and mine are the same. Well, she’s doing it for you, while I’m doing it for myself, but what we’re trying to accomplish is pretty much the same thing.”

“What? What are you even on about?”

“I won’t tell you. You can try to ask her though. Who knows, if you touch that nonexistent chest of hers, she’d probably tell you everything.”

“Okay, that’s just too far…”

“If you don’t want to do that, then figure it out yourself. Look, this is the consequences of your own actions. If you didn’t decide to cowardly maintain the status quo, none of this would happen.”

T-This shitty girl—! Always dissing me while purposely being vague like that—!

Fuck, I was so mad! But, I couldn’t say anything back because her words were true!

Just as she said, I didn’t stop them from doing the showdown or whatever because I thought I could use it to maintain the status quo!

But, c’mon, I wasn’t in the wrong for wishing something like this, right?

I tried to be the main character and failed, so I settled to be a mob. And now I had the chance to get a harem. If anything, I would be a fool to not take it!

Sure, it was cowardly and all, but I was a coward to begin with!

“The showdown will start tomorrow. Don’t end it in a draw. Give them a proper conclusion, decide who’s the best among them.”

“…I know—!”

But, now that things had come to this, there was no way I could proceed with my original plan…

Haah…I knew things would turn troublesome if she were to find out…now, what should I do…?

“Now that matter is done with, I have something for you, Joro-kun.”

“Hah?”

What was she up to? She suddenly pulled out a very old looking book from her bag.

“Here.”

“O-Oi, don’t shove it to me out of nowhere like that! What is this book anyway?”

“This is my precious treasure. I love this book so much, so I want you to read it too.”

“Yeah, but why?”

“Because why not? Can’t I have something in common with you?”

“…I’m not a fast reader, but I’ll tell you when I finish reading it.”

“That’s fine. Just tell me what do you think of it when you’re done.”

I thought she gave this to me so that she could one-up everyone else that participated in the showdown, but I was wrong.

If she really wanted to do that, she’d just tell me to read everything and be done with it by tomorrow while shoving Stinger-kun into my face.

That meant, she genuinely wanted to share her hobbies with me.

…Since that was the case…fine, I’ll read it for her…

“Don’t get your hopes up, though.”

“Of course. I’ll keep my expectation level around the level of ‘wanting to see Natsume Soseki’s unpublished works that are recently being published’, so you don’t need to worry.”

“Okay, that’s just too much! Spare me! You’re expecting too much of me!”

If anything, she just increased the pressure on me significantly! It was like, if I were going to do pole vault, instead of lowering the bar, she heightened it instead!

And not only that, she also expected me to make the jump without the pole!

“Anyway, it’s almost closing time, so, let’s go home.”

As soon as we wrapped up our conversation, Pansy stood up, walked over to me and grabbed my hand. What was this girl up to this time?!

“Oi, why are you holding my hand?”

“So that you won’t fall down. Also, it’s fun~”

“Oh, fuck off! Get away from me al—”

“You’re also having fun, aren’t you?”

“What?”

Having fun? Me? What the hell was she even on about?

“Earlier, during lunch break, when you were asked whether you were having fun or not when the two girls held your hands…you said that it wasn’t boring at least, no? That means, it would be fine if I do this much, no?”

Was she talking about when I came into the library with Himawari and Tsubaki clinging to my hand?

So that was why she was so quiet back then! She had been planning to do this all along!

“Stop messing around…let me go already…”

“If I do this, will you stop complaining?”

Put your glasses back on! At this rate, I’d end up staring at your face—!

Fuck! Why were you so pretty— No, perish that thought!

“You idiot, we’re still at school! Put your glasses back on! If someone were to see you, it’d be a disaster!”

Things had been considerably calmed down ever since the Kabuten thanks to Tsubaki transferring in, but if someone were to see her walking around without her glasses, they’d definitely make a fuss again! And since I was directly involved, things would definitely turn out for the worst for me!

“Oh my…well, you do have a point.”

Seeing me panicking, Pansy let out a giggle before putting her glasses back on.

The moment she did that, she became considerably less pretty, but the image of her bare face had been completely burned into my mind, so I didn’t feel any better than before.

“You won’t get embarrassed quickly normally, why do you look so flustered, hm~?”

“Shut it! I’m the one who should ask the question here! Why the hell did you take off your glasses?”

I didn’t know what I did, but she seemed to be in a really good mood.

“Because I’m in the mood~”

Still, I couldn’t bring myself to ask her why she felt that way.

* * *

We left the school after that and walked home together. Pansy looked at me with an indescribable look.

What? Was she throwing tantrums because I didn’t let her hold my hand?

“Joro-kun, about Yoki-san, there’s something I’m curious about.”

Okay, I didn’t expect she’d say something like this. But, since her tone was different than usual, I had to be careful.

“What is it?”

“Before she transferred in, which school did she attend?”

“I don’t know, she never told me anything.”

“…Is that so?”

When I took a glance at her face, I found out that she was wearing a really heavy look. The atmosphere around her was also extremely heavy. It was rare for her to act like this.

“Are you really that curious about her previous school?”

“Well, if I am not, I wouldn’t even bring up the topic, no?”

“Why though? Does it matter which school she used to go to?”

“There’s a certain person that I hate. I would hate it if she went to the same school as them and is still keeping contact with that person even after transferring.”

Wow, another rare occurrence. The word ‘hate’ just came out of her mouth.

Since she uttered the word so openly, that meant she really, really hated that person.

Someone actually tried to become her enemy? Were they sane?

In any case, I didn’t know who you were, but I’d pray for your soul to rest in peace.

“I’ll ask her tomorrow. Which school are you looking out for again?”

“Toshobu High.”

“…Toshobu…High…?”

“What’s wrong?”

I never thought I’d hear that name out of her mouth.

Was it a coincidence? Or a play of fate? Regardless, it left me bewildered.

“…Nothing. It’s just, a certain person that I hate is also attending that high school.”

In my case, it was just a one-sided grudge, though. Pathetic, I know.

“I see.”

As expected of a mind reader, she could tell who I was talking about.

“By the way, are we talking about the same person?”

“Unfortunately, no. I won’t tell you who it is, though.”

Since she said that, she meant it, she really didn’t want to talk about it.

I’ve come to be able to read her emotions nowadays, which made me feel a little sad.

If it was two months ago, I wouldn’t be able to do this.

Then again, this was a necessity. It wasn’t like I wanted this, it was just, if I couldn’t do this, I would just end up suffering even more.

This was exactly what being surrounded by a hellfire felt like. Going forward or retreating backward, I’d get burned all the same.