Chapter 6 – The Worst Possible Outcome for Me

Chapter 6 – The Worst Possible Outcome for Me

A few days passed. It’s now Friday, after school, and I’m at work again.

Pansy and still I haven’t reconciled yet, and the awkwardness between us still lingers, but soon, this situation will be gone.

Because once my shift today is over, I’ll finally get my first paycheck!

Tsubaki’s shop usually gives out their pay at around the end of the month the earliest and 5th of the following month the latest, but they made a special exception for me. As you already know, I begged Tsubaki to pay me once I work enough to earn 92,000 yen, and, consistent with the way she’s always treating me—kindly—she agreed!

After getting that paycheck, the first thing in the morning that I’ll do is to rush to that bookstore and buy Pansy’s book!

Then, I’ll give the new copy and return the tattered one to her the day after tomorrow when we are out cheering for Himawari on her game! Since I’ve also finished reading the tattered book, I’m all set!

Fuhahaha—! Hm? What if things don’t go according to—no, no, stop that line of thought, me!

This isn’t the time to get caught in that vicious negative spiral! Right now, I need to concentrate on my job!

There, a customer just arrived! Focus on serving them!

“Welco—ah…”

“Yo, Brat.”

Nice! My selfish wish came true! The old man came again!

Now I can show him how earnest and hard working I’ve beco—no, wait, not much time passed, so I probably barely changed from the last time he came here, no?

Can’t he wait until I level up a bit more? He didn’t come here yesterday, so I thought he wouldn’t today as well…

“…Is this place open or not?”

Huh? For some reason, he looks… uncomfortable? Is it because of my reaction?

Well, it isn’t like I can just tell him, ‘You don’t need to come here if you don’t want to see me,’ so…

“Y-yes, we are! Please come this way!”

“Mm… draft beer, dashimaki tamago, and assorted kushikatsu.”

As soon as he sat down, he ordered without even looking at the menu. Unlike a certain student council president who acted like she was a regular, he exuded the vibe of a real regular—no, he is a regular, duh!

“Understood. Please wait a moment!”

I gave him a polite bow and headed to the kitchen with a note of his order in my hand. By the time I get there, his drink would probably be—

“The drink’s ready! Serve it to the customer, please!”

Yep, as expected. Well, guess I’ll have to bring it to him.

Haa… alright, let’s do this…

“Sorry to keep you waiting! Here’s your drink!”

“Mm.”

Phew, that went without a hitch. Mission complete. For now.

It feels like trouble will start brewing if I continue to linger around, so I’ll use the noble excuse of cleaning the place to head off somewhere—

“Joro! The dashimaki tamago and assorted kushikatsu is ready!”

Already?! How?! Did you start preparing them while I was still talking to the old man, Tsubaki?!

Do you want me to talk with him? Is that what you want?! Is that why you did all this?!

“Could you hurry up, please? It’s almost rush hour!”

…Fine, fine! I just gotta give the food to him, right?! I’ll do it!

“Here’s your dashimaki tamago and assorted kushikatsu!”

“Finally. Anyway, you… come here, sit.”

But why? Are you so lonely that you’d even ask me, out of all people, to eat with you? Don’t tell me that you want us to feed each other too?

Well, that last part is just downright disgusting, but still…

“Ha… understood.”

In any case, if I don’t do what he says, I’ll get in trouble again, I’ll just do it.

Besides, Kanemoto-san’s nearby. He’ll help me out in case things go south—or not.

What a reliable part-time leader! He doesn’t even wait until things go south, he’s already here to help me out!

“Ah, Mayama-san. Please forgive him for the matter the other day.”

“Don’t worry about it. I wanna have a real talk with him about that now.”

“Understood! But, he’s still in his shift, so, make it quick, please!”

Hey, part-time leader, what was that?! That was it?! And you have the galls to walk away with a smile on your face?!

You should’ve told him that he can’t just do this! This is against the store’s policy, you know!?

“…”

That aside, why isn’t the old man saying anything?

He’s the one who made me sit down and told Kanemoto-san that he wants to have a real talk or whatever with me.

But instead of talking, he just started eating his dashimaki tamago.

“…Sorry. For everything.”

“Huh?”

What?? He just… kinda said that right after he swallowed his dashimaki tamago.

No way, he isn’t the type to say something like this! I know what’s going on here! He’s a fake! A clone! You… actually, no, you don’t have to bring the real old man back. Yeah, it’ll be better for me if the real old man isn’t here! No, I mean, you’re the real deal, not a clone, definitely, yeah!

“Things haven’t been going well in my life lately, so I’ve been a little… angry… and frustrated. And I’ve been taking it out on others. The dashimaki tamago thing… you know, when I said that my daughter made a tastier one? I was just being obtuse and childish, so, please tell the owner that I’m sorry…”

It’s great that he apologized. Well, I don’t have the right to say anything about other people’s problems, but…

There’s one thing that I have to point out.

‘A little’ my ass. You were out for anyone’s blood, old man!

“The other day you told me that you want to ‘protect the bond with people you care about’. That isn’t something anyone can just say with a straight face. Considering your age especially, it must have been embarrassing. That’s something someone of my age won’t be able to do… and that’s why you were so impressive back then.”

“S-sorry…?”

“Y-yeah, well… u-um, you see… t-things between me and my daughter haven’t been going well, you see…”

He scratched his cheek with his pinky as he said that with an embarrassed look on his face.

Immediately after, his expression turned gloomy and he started taking in more of his dashimaki tamago.

“For me… protecting my ‘bonds’ seems to be something far-fetched. Don’t let things get to that okay, Brat?”

Huh, is he having a fight with his daughter or what?

Hmm… I wish I could give him advice or something, but nothing comes to mind.

Well, I’ll just cheer him on. It’s the least I can do anyway.

“Um, Mayama-san…? Please hang in—”

“Kisaragi-ku~n~? How long are you going to talk with him, hm?”

“K-Kanemoto-san?”

“Mhm! It’s me! The rush hour’s already started, you know? Everyone’s busting their asses, you know?”

You were the one who left me alone with the old man! Why are you acting like this is my fault?!

Seriously, what’s with that smile?! It’s scary!

Also, I sense a bit of edge in his voice too…

“S-sorry! M-Mayama-san, I have to go!”

“Mm. Break a leg out there.”

I tried to cheer the old man on, but for some reason, it was him who got to cheer me on instead. After that, I put all my effort into working, not letting anything distract me for even a second.

This is probably just my feeling, but I feel like Kanemoto-san’s being harsher than usual to me, but… yeah, it’s probably just my feeling. Right?

*   *   *

“I-I’m… whome…”

“Welcome back, Amatsuyu~ Good work for today~!”

Man… I’m so tired… Kanemoto-san worked me like a horse today…

He made me work three times as hard as usual. It was to the point that my face turned so red I almost thought I’d grow horns¹Grow horns like the red oni..

Still, all that work was worth it! I finally got my pay!

I glanced at the envelope inside my bag. ‘Joro’s advance pay’ was written on it in Tsubaki’s cute handwriting. The whole thing seemed almost sparkly too!

Anyway, with this money, tomorrow—

“Oh yeah, Amatsuyu? Aoi-chan came by earlier looking for you. Did something happen?”

“Huh? Himawari came? Nothing happened though…? Ah, she probably wanted to ask me about her birthday present. It’s this month, you see.”

“Ah, I see! Speaking of birthdays, Sumireko-chan’s is December 31st~!”

Mom, I don’t need that information! Besides, it’s right at the end of the year! We won’t have time to celebrate it with everything else that goes on!

“So, Amatsuyu, do you want to have a bath? Dinner? Or… A・RA・SHI²This is pun on the classic, ‘Do you want bath, dinner, or me?’ bit, but instead of ‘atashi (me)’, she put in A・RA・SHI instead, which is a song by an old Japanese boyband Arashi.?”

Too bad we can’t get their third live DVD right now, huh³Ngl, I don’t get the reference at all. I don’t follow the group, and I honestly have no clue where to even start with it, so sorry that I leave it like this.?

“Mm, I already ate at the shop, and I’ll take a bath tomorrow morning.”

“Jeez! Then, there’s only one option left~”

“Mhm. I’ll go to sleep, Mom, I’m too tired…”

“Fineee~”

With Mom’s husky voice in the background, I walked up the stairs.

I changed from my uniform to my sweatshirt and went to bed—no, not yet.

The plan’s to go to that bookstore first thing in the morning, so I need to set up an alarm—huh? What’s this?

Who the hell sent me 23 emails?! Huh? Himawari?!

That girl, seriously! How badly does she want to pester me for her birthday present, huh?!

Still, I’m not blameless here.

I shoulda checked my phone the moment my shift ended, it’s just… thanks to a certain part-time leader who worked me like I was some kind of mule, I was too exhausted to open my phone.

Anyway, let’s check these mails out. Imagine if all 23 of them have different contents. I’ll have to praise her for her extensive vocabulary. Or not. It’s all the same thing. Well, actually, there are slight differences in each one, but they’re mostly the same.

[Joro, finished with your work yet? Are you sleeping?]

I’ll reply to her. Just one reply won’t hurt.

[Yeah. Too tired, gonna sleep.]

Alright, that should be—huh?! It hasn’t even been 30 seconds! How did she reply already?!

[Got it! Good job for today! Good night!]

This girl’s as energetic as ever. She worked her ass off on her practice; doesn’t she get tired?

[Mm, good night. Good luck for your practice tomorrow, ‘kay?]

Alright, that should be it. Time to sleep so I can get up early tomo—huh?

When I took a closer look at the flood of mails, I recognized one that stood out from the rest. It was from an address that I didn’t recognize.

Man, I can’t even think right now, please don’t do this to me. Spare me from any weird events.

If this turns out to be a spam, I’ll delete it and block the number, but just in case it isn’t—

[Since you didn’t come before the closing time, I sold the book to another customer.]

The moment I read that mail, I could feel my vision turning dark, and I dropped my phone on the floor.

*   *   *

“Why is this happening?!”

Morning. I dashed at full speed toward the bookstore, cursing my current situation as I did.

In the end, I didn’t get any sleep last night.

I was too shocked that someone else got to buy the book before me, and that was enough to keep me up.

Though, it was because of that I got to catch and take the first train to the bookstore.

Yeah, I know it’s still too early, and chances are the place hasn’t opened yet, but I can’t help it, okay?!

Who knows, maybe the old man just sent that to make me rush to the store the first thing in the morning; he hadn’t actually sold the book yet. I know it sounds like I’m just coping, but no matter how small the odds are, I just want to cling to it…

“No, the book’s still there! It’s still there!”

As expected, when I arrived at the store, the shutters were still closed.

In fact, even the surrounding stores—save for the convenience store—were still closed.

“Ugh, why is it still closed—?!”

It was only after I said it that I realized how unreasonable those words sounded. When I did, I clamped my mouth shut.

…This is bad. Without that book, I…

That’s the one thing that I need to make up with Pansy! Without it, I… Fuck!

*   *   *

After waiting for a bit, a miracle happened.

It’s 30 minutes before the opening time, but the shutters to the store were opened.

At this point, I don’t care if I’m being a nuisance! I’ll go ahead and charge in, consequences be damned!

“E-excuse me!”

“Ah… it’s you…”

When the old man saw me rushing inside the store, he threw me an awkward look.

No, that means nothing! His expression alone won’t explain the full situation! First, let’s take a look at the display case…

“A-ah…”

It’s gone. The book that was there two weeks ago, the same book that I’m supposed to buy for Pansy, is gone…

“I actually planned to hold on to it for you until this morning, but last night, a customer practically begged me to sell the book to them, so… I had no choice…”

The old man’s voice echoed from behind me, but I had no composure to respond to him.

Instead, I collapsed to the ground, dazed.

…Why… is this happening to me…?

I was so close… so close…

My plan was to buy the book today and make up with Pansy tomorrow.

But now… I can do neither…

“Are you… okay? Um… I’m sorry…”

The old man’s touch on my shoulder somehow snapped me out of my daze.

When I looked at him, he was staring at me with an apologetic look on his face.

“N-no, I’m the one at fault… sorry…”

“I’m sure you have a good reason why you didn’t come yesterday, so you aren’t at fault. I am…”

No, I am the one at fault here, the old man didn’t do anything wrong.

It was my own fault that I failed to buy it before the deadline.

The moment I feel safe, I always let my guard down. This happens every time.

“Um… do you know any other bookstore that sells that book?”

“That I don’t know. It’s a really rare book, after all. I contacted other bookstore owners I know to sell a copy to you if they have it, but…”

“…I’m sorry for the troubles.”

It was me who screwed up, yet he went to such lengths for me…

Then, I can’t linger here. It won’t do me any good.

Someone else already bought the book, it isn’t here anymore.

So, there are two actions that I can take here.

One, find the person who bought the book and ask them to sell it to me.

Two, go to other bookstores and find the same book.

There’s no need to think much about which one I should choose.

“If you have any news, could you please notify me? In the meantime, I’ll scour through the other bookstores!”

“G-got it… good luck.”

I bowed to the old man to thank him for cheering me before dashing out of the bookstore.

*   *   *

“Huh? I got a mail… Himawari?”

For a moment there, I thought it was from the old man, but it turned out it was from Himawari. 

It was disappointing, but guess I’ll check it first.

[Joro! Where are you? I want to see you!]

I appreciate that you miss me so much, but I can’t see you right now, Himawari.

[Sorry, I’m a little busy right now, so I can’t. Good luck with your practice.]

I quickly sent that reply and ran off.

Dammit! Things just can’t go smoothly for some reason! And here I thought everything is getting better these days.

*   *   *

I walked down the street dazed, the sun shining behind me. There’s only one emotion that I can even feel right now: despair.

…Yep, I’m done. The worst possible development occurred.

After texting with Himawari, I took a bunch of trains to look for a copy of the book everywhere, but I didn’t find any.

In other words, all my efforts up til this point had gone down the drain.

At that moment, the brown envelope inside my bag entered my sight.

Inside it was the money from my part-time job—the early payment that Tsubaki gave me.

I was bursting with joy when I first received it. To me, it was the fruit of all my hard work, proof that I’d done something. Yesterday, it looked sparkly in my eyes, but now, even that impression had gone, replaced by a bleak, hopeless one.

…How did it come to this?

Resentment and irritation toward myself swirled inside me.

I could’ve done something to make sure that I got the book.

Yet, I didn’t. I was so close, and I fumbled everything by getting complacent and not doing anything—the same hole that I always fell into. 

Yesterday, I could just contact the old man and tell him to hold on to the book for me, or tell him when I’d be available to pick it up, and things probably wouldn’t have turned out this way.

Not only that, maybe if I showed the old man how badly I wanted the book the first time I came to that bookstore, things would’ve turned out differently.

At that moment, I remembered what Kanemoto-san told me. ‘Regret’ is something that always comes ‘later’.

He was right. Right now, I’m experiencing that regret due to my past actions.

If this is something that I can fix later, maybe I won’t feel like this, but it isn’t.

How can I even face Pansy now…?

“…Huh?”

When I turned around the corner, I saw someone standing in front of my house.

My sight’s too blurry to see who it is, all I can see is a blur—huh? They’re approaching me…?

“Joro, you’re here! Jeez, you’re late!”

“H-huh? H-Himawari…?”

“Yes~ Himawari’s here~”

The lively voice belongs to my childhood friend.

She was looking at me with a smile and lively eyes that were the complete opposite of my dead eyes.

“I’ve been looking for you, you know?”

She said, pretending to scold me, but I can tell that she’s in a good mood.

Just look at her expression when she shakes her head; it looks as bright as ever.

Anyway, looking at her made me realize that I had yet fumbled another thing.

Since I spent all day looking for the book, I forgot to buy her birthday present…

“You were… looking for me?”

I thought I texted her that I was busy earlier…

“Yep! I asked Keiki-san where you went, but she only said that you went out, so I searched for you everywhere! But, I still can’t find you, so I waited in front of your house like this! How’s that? I’m smart, aren’t I?”

Wait a minute, what did she just say? Isn’t today her last day of practice?

Then why did she go around looking for me instead of practicing??

“You, why did you—”

“Ehehe~”

‘I’ve been waiting for that question!’ as if she was telling me that with her smile, she started to rummage through her bag.

Then, she grabbed something and…

“Ta-dah~ This is for you, Joro!”

The moment I saw what she brought out, both my body and mind froze.

“Huh? What’s wrong, Joro?”

Himawari tilted her head, maybe confused by my reaction.

But, I can’t give her a response.

After five seconds passed, my mind finally started to work again. One question after another appeared.

Why does she have that?

How does she know that I need this?

Why did she do all this?

The more I thought about it, the more questions popped up, but at the same time, something clicked in my mind.

It was Himawari.

The person who had gotten there ahead of me and bought it first.

The person who made the old man cave in and sell it to her.

There it is. In her small hands right now.

The copy of the book that I wanted to buy for Pansy.

“Joro, say something! Don’t just space out like that, jeez! Say something, say something!”

She pushed the book toward me with a grin.

When I took it in my daze, holding it with my trembling hands, her grin grew even wider.

“Yay! It was so hard finding this book, you know? I went all over the place, and only found one! The old man in that bookstore was so kind to me! After I begged him to sell it to me, he did!”

She recounted what she did with a proud expression.

Knowing her, she isn’t one to back down until she gets what she wants. I can understand why the old man relented and sold the book to her.

…Wait a minute. What did she say just now? ‘I went all over the place’?

Does that mean she’s been looking for the book for a while now? And only found it yesterday?

“Himawari… you said you’ve been going all over the place to look for it, right? Since when?”

“H-huh?! U-um… since yesterday…”

Her eyes darted to the right for a second then to the left for two. That means she’s lying.

She’s been skipping practice to look for the book.

“Why did you go so far?”

“Because you want this book!”

She answered in a half-pleading tone, probably because she sensed the anger in my tone.

This girl doesn’t know…

That Pansy’s book became tattered because it slipped out of my bag after she flung it away.

Even so, she still went out of her way to look for a new copy for me…

She even went as far as skipping practice even though a big match is coming up for her…

I see. So that’s why she came to my house last night. She wanted to give me the book as soon as she could, and when she didn’t find me last night, she spent the next day looking for me…

“This book is expensive, no…? How did you…?”

“Well, I’ve saved up a lot of money, so it’s no problem!”

Bad things really do come in droves.

The book’s price is 100,000 yen, too expensive for a high school student to buy. Yet she bought it for me.

She said she saved up a lot of money, and I know exactly what she originally saved up for.

To buy a new tennis racket because she can barely use her old one anymore.

She used up the money for that to buy this book…

“Don’t…”

“Huh? What’s wrong, Joro?”

Heat rushed through my head. My body began to shake.

I can feel all the pent-up emotions that I’ve been holding back about to burst out all at once.

Of course, I tried to hold it back, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t. Because I’ve reached my limit.

“Don’t screw with me, Himawari!!”

“…Huh? Why are you…?”

She threw me a confused look as I shouted as hard as I could, uncaring to what our neighbors might think.

Seriously, this girl…! What does she think she’s doing?!

I thought not getting the book was the worst possible situation that could come out of this, but it turned out I was wrong.

This is a far, far worse outcome than that.

Himawari missed days of practice because of me.

She used up the money she saved to buy a new racket to buy the book for me.

In other words… she threw all the hard work and effort until now… just for my sake…

“Just what the hell are you thinking?! I told you that you don’t need to think about me and just focus on your club activities, right?! You, you skipped out on practice, didn’t you?! You used the money for a new racket to buy the book, didn’t you?!”

“B-but, you needed it more than I do, Joro, s-so I—”

“That’s not an excuse! It was my problem, I can deal with it on my own! Besides, you don’t even know why I need this book!”

Hearing that, Himawari’s eyes widened for a second, then she glared at me.

“B-but, I do know!!”

She shouted those words, making me take a step back.

Why is she being so stubborn?

“I do know! We are childhood friends, so I know! I know your habit when you lie! The other day, when I asked you about the book, you said that it was nothing, so I know that there’s something about it!”

“Y-you know my habit when I lie…?”

Actually, that makes sense.

I can tell when she’s lying, so it isn’t strange that she can do the same with me.

Up until this April, I made up a whole new persona that’s completely different from my true self.

Maybe I developed the habit from that time. And she somehow figured that out.

“Of course! Out of everyone—Sun-chan, Pansy-chan, Cosmos-san, Tsubaki-san—I know you the best! I’ve been with you for so long, so I can tell that you haven’t been well lately! When we were in the library, you always looked so gloomy, and you looked even gloomier when we talked about that book! So, I know! You want to buy that book! So, I bought it for you!”

This girl… noticed that much…

“I just want to help you, Joro! You’re always kind to me and treasure me, even though I always brought you troubles! I just want to help! But why aren’t you happy?! Why are you mad at me?!”

For a moment there, I was about to step back, but I held it at the last moment and took a step forward instead.

“O-of course I’m mad at you! I want you to focus on your club activities! Why are you putting me first and setting your club aside?! I don’t want you to do that!”

“Tennis is important to me, but you are important to me too, Joro! That’s why—”

“To me—! You are more precious than myself!”

“…Eh?”

“The you who always put in your best effort to do whatever you want—! Is more precious to me than even myself! Don’t think so lightly of yourself that you’re willing to throw all that just for my sake–!!”

Back when she was a first year in middle school, she became interested in tennis after watching the tennis club’s playing and instantly became obsessed with it.

When she first started, she made a lot of mistakes, and she used to vent about it to me every day.

But gradually, she became better and better, to the point that she became a regular at her club. I can still remember how happy she was when she broke the news to me.

She’d cry when she was frustrated, she’d laugh when she was happy—it’s clear as day that her love for tennis is genuine.

That is something that I always envied. To have something to be so passionate about and to not feel shy talking about it.

And yet, she… just right when she’s about to take a big step in that direction, she…

“Just why are you putting me first?! I’m your childhood friend, so I know! More than anyone! Just how much you love tennis! Why are you doing this to me?! Do you think I’ll be happy because of this?! Hell no, I won’t!”

“A-ah…”

“I don’t want anything, I just want to see you doing your best in everything that you do with your usual smile on your face! I might find you selfish and unreasonable at times, but I know you’re doing your best! And I want to protect that! Yet, you… threw away… something so precious… for my sake…”

“You’re lying, right…? Joro, you’re lying, right…? You don’t actually think that way, right…?”

Himawari asked in shock. Her gaze wandered around as she refused to look at my face.

At that moment, I regained my composure and the first thing that came to my mind was, ‘Oh, crap’.

What the hell am I doing?! I shouldn’t have gotten angry at her! At the very least, I could word that out better!

Instead of coming up with better words, I yelled at her…! Fuck…!

“S-So…”

This is bad. She’s trying to hold it back, but I can already see her eyes tearing up.

I need to apologize. Right now—

“Sorry!!”

She yelled out the word that I should say to her with tears streaming down her face.

No… you aren’t at fault, Himawari… it’s I who should…

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, Joro… I’m sorry…”

She rubbed her eyes with both hands, trying to wipe away the tears, but it was no use. Maybe she was trying to hide her tears, or she just did it without thinking, but she put her arms tightly around my back and embraced me tightly. Then, she pressed her face against my chest.

“No, that was my fault… I went overboard… sorry…”

She shook her head vigorously, as if trying to deny my words.

“No, Joro… it wasn’t your fault… it was mine… sorry… I-I caused you trouble again… waaah!”

Actually… I’m happy… that she did all that for me…

My anger was real, but more than anything, I’m happy that she went that far for me.

“I… always caused you trouble… a-and I… always need your help… s-so this time, I-I thought… sorry… Joro…”

“…No, it’s not like that.”

“H-huh?”

“Actually, I’m happy that you bought the book for me. Sure, I’m also a little annoyed, but… I’m happy. It made me thankful that you’re my childhood friend, Himawari.”

“Hic! Hic! R-really?”

She turned her tear-stained face toward me, revealing a slightly frightened look.

I felt a little embarrassed to look at her in the face, so I turned mine away.

“Yes. I mean, you can tell, right? You know my habit when I lie.”

“…Right!”

I don’t know what exactly is the habit that she was talking about, but she really seems to be able to tell if I’m lying or not. 

She tapped her forehead against my chest. I found that so adorable, so I patted her head, in which she tightened her hug.

“Ehehe~ Yaaay~”

Seriously, she’s so easy to please.

Well, it’s partly because I’m her childhood friend that I can do this, but at the same time, this is just how she is.

It doesn’t seem like her tears will be stopping anytime soon, but I know that it isn’t because she’s sad.

“Thank you, Himawari. For everything.”

“Mm! You’re whelcome!”

Her voice, wet with tears, somehow hit me right in the heart.